Saturday, March 04, 2006

last night i had the strangest dream

I just saw the cover of Sylvia Browne's new book, "If You Could See What I See."
Now I don't know about you people,
but I see a woman with a HORRIBLY outdated hair style. And we won't even TALK about
that hair color on a woman her age and the fact that she should NOT be using liner on her lower lid.
Hey, maybe *I'M* psychic??
How can someone claim to be so
psychic and not see what's staring them right in the face every day? Literally.
Speaking of Sylvia, did you see where she stated the miners in the West Virginia accident were alive?
She was doing a talk show when the news broke that the men had been found alive and she said she knew they would be found. Later in the show, when they realized the men were actually dead with only one survivor (instead of the other way around which was originally reported), she said, "...I don't think there are any that's going to make it." Well she was wrong again apparently. And then she went on to say, "I did believe they were gone." Yet she SAID she believed they were alive when first told.

I was perusing my weekly "please come back to the Double Day Book Club!" flyer and saw a book
titled, "Daily Sex. 365 positions and activities for a year of great sex."
Ok, I'll admit it. I could NOT have sex 365 days out of the year.
I don't know very many people who could. Or who would even WANT to.
Unless, of course, it would be with a different cop...I mean "man" every day. There I said it.

Yikes. Apparently Americans have an easier time naming the cast of the Simpsons than they do listing the five freedoms our founding fathers snuck into the Constitution. Not many people know this--because not many people are History buffs such as moi--but the freedoms were originally attached to a lesser known bill called the "French Whores" bill where the Founding Fathers tried to import French whores for their private use. The bill was nixed by Thomas Jefferson, who preferred the company of American whores, and of course, slaves.
Let's see how good I do: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to drool over Hott Cops, freedom to put chocolate in your peanut butter and peanut butter in your chocolate and freedom of the press. Oh yeah, assembly and that right to your day in court thingy, too.

I love it on COPS when one of the suspects calls the officers "dude." .
Doesn't sit well with them, trust me. The cop on last night's ep said, "You call me 'dude'
again and we're going to have problems. I'm not a 'dude'!"

South is making fun of Luke's obsession with Holly?! Puhleeze.
Both guys are guilty of suhvere ASS LICKING.
Gawd, that is so unattractive in a man, isn't it?

I briefly glanced through Olivia St. Claire's "302 Advanced Techniques for Driving a Man Wild in Bed." If you're going to write a book on male/female sexuality for ADULTS, don't get cutesy with the penis nicknames. "Shivering Member," "Warrior Weapon," "Love Organ," "Cobra," "Celestial Dragon." Come on. There's such a thing as playful and then there's downright ridiculous.

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