Friday, March 24, 2006

Karma police, arrest this girl, her hitler hairdo, is making me feel ill

Ok a quick update on the status of Mr. G's dad. He went into the hospital about a month ago complaining of chest pains. He would get belligerent at night time, but otherwise was alert and knew what was going on. Now that he's been in the hospital a month, they've discovered that the chest pains were caused by giving him the wrong heart medicine for YEARS. He doesn't know any of us now mostly because they have him so drugged up all the time. He's prone to violence now and has absolutely no control of his bowels due to the Seroquel. His feet are swollen about four times their size and when I told the nurse about it last night she said, "Thats from him sitting in the chair. We don't want them laying in bed all day." Yes, much better that he should be sitting in an uncomfortable wheel chair for 8 hours a day, talking incoherently to himself in the hallway.
Three cheers for the modern medicine! Hip, hip, it blows!

I saw a commerical for Jelly Beans and it said, "Handcrafted from the finest ingredients." And what would those "fine" ingredients be? Corn syrup,
sugar and food starch? Oooo and FLAVORING!!

I saw a COPS segment from Chatanooga, Tennessee this afternoon. I've seen it a few times and every time I see it I have to laugh. A woman calls the police because her boyfriend's ex is in his house, tearing it up. Hottie Officer Christoper Smith comes to the door and starts through it with his gun drawn and pointing directly at the loony tunes and he says, "How you doin'?" And I'm thinking, "There's a big dude advancing on her with a loaded gun in his hand, how WOULD she be doing?"

Well now I know why I hate FOX news so much....
According to the Smoking Gun, Dick Cheney insists all television stations be tuned to FOX News when he stays at a hotel.
He also insists that ALL the lights be turned on. Great. The second in command of our country is afraid of the dark.

Well the barechested Officer Genualdo's wallpaper lasted a whopping day and a half on my laptop. Mr. G saw it and said, "WHO is this guy?" Now you all know I'm an avid COPS fan, so I've picked up a few tricks along the way....from the criminals. I know repeating stuff buys you time to thunk up lies. So I cleverly responded, "What guy?" He said, "This half naked guy on your laptop?" Again, COPS knowledge kicks in. "What half naked guy? Oh, him. Well truth be told he could be totally naked, honey, the pic ends at his waist." NOW I see why this stalling for time always ends up with the criminals getting arrested....

This year I'm going to do something I've never done before--no, I'm not gonna do that gangbang, maybe next year--I'm going to
enter the Writer's Digest Writing Competition. As many times as I've seen this advertised, I've never entered.
My usual thought consists of, "Oh, the Writer's Digest writing contest. I SHOULD enter," and then I promptly
forget all about it until the May deadline passes and I think, "damn. I should have entered".
I have no idea what I'm going to write, but I think I'm going to enter the memoirs/personal essay category.
I'm wondering if the personal essay category has to be non-fiction, though? After the whole James Frey fiasco,
I think memoirs would have to be true, but I'm not so sure about personal essay. Anybody know?

Speaking of Writer's Digest, I was reading my latest copy this morning and yanked SIX of those stupid subscription
cards out of it. Ok, we get it already, you want us to subscribe. Only one small problem. I'm already a subscriber.

One column that I love in Writer's Digest is Kevin Alexander's "The Writer's Life." Kevin is very funny and
gets his point across in a down-to-earth writing style that I really enjoy. His latest column about writers and
how self-centered they are, demanding constant feedback was very funny.

Jay had a funny entry in his blog about beards and I've been meaning to post a link to it, but keep forgetting. Here it is.
It's the entry with the guy's face and different facial hair possibilties. Very funny.

I literally choked on my Yerba Mate tea yesterday morning
when I read this on MikeSouth.com: "I Leave For Dayton Today meaning Updates Should Be Interesting:
For the next week...no it isnt cuz Goddess is writing them...she is hiding from me cuz she knew I'd ask."
HIDING?? How in the world would I know he was even GOING to Dayton?!
(Besides the fact that his mother told me earlier in the week..) It was all I could do not to get online and
say, "Dude, that is SO NOT TRUE!!" but I knew he was still around and I was hiding...

BTW, South also writes this: "Wed night we have stripper karaoke at
Flamingo Showclub in Dayton. Drop my name at the door
and you get in for ONLY 5 bucks"
What he fails to mention is that normally the entrance fee is only 2 bucks.

Eric writes: "Today (23rd) is also the traditional date for the founding of Rome. Perhaps
people can observe it by having discussions on the impending decline and
fall of the American empire."
Nothing excites me more than a rousing discussion on the fall of the American empire!

While watching boxing last night with Mr. G, the announcers said, "Oh, look at that blood pouring down!" (the guy's face).
"That can't be good." Um, hello? Name one time when blood pouring down your face IS good. Fake tv wrestling doesn't count.


It's nice to know I can still turn Mr. G on, even if it is by accident.
He's been doing so much running around for his mother and visiting his father and making
arrangements for him, that on Tuesday night after sex I said, "The only time I see you anymore is when I have your cock in my mouth."
And no, I wasn't whining, more teasing than anything because I know he has been stretched to the limit lately.
So Wednesday afternoon he calls me on his lunch break and says, "Damn, am I ever horny."
I said, "Why?" He said, "I keep thinking about what you said about the only time you ever see me is when
you have my cock in your mouth and it's making me nuts."
So then *I* got turned on by the fact that *he* was turned on.

I was watching some adult DVD's last night and there are two things I find incredibly disgusting to watch and listen to.
I cannot stand to see a chick hock a wad of spit onto a guy's cock during oral sex and then HELLO sucks it right back up again.
And I HATE it when she makes gagging noises while
sucking cock. What's the deal with that? Is it supposed to build up his ego or something? Eh, I don't care why they do it. It grosses me out.

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