Wednesday, March 15, 2006

i know you like me i know you do

Because I'm hankering for that Mother of the Year award, I spent much of last night watching COPS...I mean, making leprechaun traps with the offspring while watching COPS. lordy, I hope these traps work better than the magic reindeer food that left three reindeer dead in my front yard a couple Christmases back. Hey, how was *I* supposed to know that replacing the oats in the recipe with old Halloween candy corn was not a good idea?! Oh the carnage. Not to mention the fact that you can't exactly flush dead reindeer down the toilet. I found that out the hard way! Damn.
Anywho, Female Offspring #7 wanted a "pot of gold" to put in her trap. I said, "Honey, if I had a pot of gold, I would be out spending it or having it molded into jewelry. I certainly wouldn't be using it to lure unsuspecting leprechauns into our trailer."
BTW, does anybody want to take a guess at what the odds of finding a leprechaun in the middle of a trailer court in Pennsylvania actually is? I'm guessing slim to none.
Since we had no gold laying around, I suggested she use some left over candy corn from Halloween for her "pot of gold." I mean seriously, not like lightening will strike twice, right?
So she used a box, propped it up with a stick and put her "pot of gold" inside the box. Oddly enough, leprechaun traps look a lot like cheap rabbit traps. And of course, on the outside of her leprechaun trap Female Offspring #7 wrote in big letters "NO LEPRECHAUNS!!: so that the leprechaun would read that and immediately think, "HA! No leprechauns, eh? Well, I'll show her!" and walk right into her well laid trap. She's clever.
Male Offspring #7 wanted to catch leprechauns, too, but clearly didn't want to put any effort into it. So he put a green bath towel inside Holly's old dog pen and left the door open. His "pot of gold" consisted of shiny things--because evidently most leprechauns are blonde. He put in some shiny pennies he stole from my cigarette and booze money, a shiny blue bong he stole from Male Offspring #1's room, and some green glitter that I'll be vacuuming up for the next six months. If that doesn't lure in a leprechaun, I don't know what will.

Mr. G is something else. I suggested that since Female Offspring #1 knows her way
around Pittsburgh, the City of One Way Streets and Mucho Heroin, that we go down
and take a day trip to the zoo. We went one other time on a bus trip and it was HORRIBLE because we HAD to stay at the zoo for six hours until the bus came back. Now I like the zoo but NOT six hours worth!
Mr. G said, "Yeah, that sounds good, but it can't be now because
we have to get my dad settled." A few minutes later he said, "And it can't be when it's hot because the animals are just laying around or too late in the day because I like to take an afternoon nap." A few minutes later I hear, "And it can't be all hours of the night or on a weekend because of too many people." I said, "So basically we have about a two hour window of opportunity between 10 & 12 on a Wednesday morning?" Nooooow I remember why we never take any day trips...

Glad to hear that Mim and her hubby and their animals survived the
tornadoes in the mid-west on Sunday with minimal damage!!

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