Wednesday, March 29, 2006

heaven freezes hell closes

This post needs to be read from the bottom up...

Ok, Jay, this is for you. I'm sorry I gave you too much information by talking about buying a dildo. I blame my vagina.
LOL....Is that better?

Michael Brown: "FEMAs only 2500 people. We can move on a dime."
Stephen Colbert: "And what dime were you standing on during the hurricane?"

Michael Brown: "We WERE there [in New Orleans]."
Stephen Colbert: "Nobody could see you though."

Michael Brown: "What changes were made to improve FEMA since?"
Michael Brown: "Zero."
Stephen Colbert: "You're gone though, right? That's nothing?"

You know that medicine's usual response to cancer is to cut and burn. Yesterday I heard a newstory that said they found high doses of Vitamin C causes the production of hydrogen peroxide which kills the cancer cells. Gee, wouldn't that just be a kick in the teeth to the phamaceutical industry, who would no doubt immediately make Vitamin C a prescription drug. But I'm sure they'll immediately discredit the study and continue to manufacture drugs that don't address the problem....without causing a whole bunch more problems.

Good grief it never fails. I started out reading Angela Hoy's article on how to handle people who steal your work and put it on their site without paying you, and the next thing ya know I'm taking a quiz called "How Blonde Are You?" Sigh. Talk about being easily DISTRACTED! Ugh.
Golden Blonde, btw, men see me as flirty and fun, yet deep and thoughtful.
Yeah, uh huh. Men use the word "deep" to describe me all the time....

Ok, Bugzzz just told me something I never knew. She referred to my dildo as "BOB". When I asked her what that meant, she said, "BOB"=battery operated boyfriend. I guess mine would be more of a NBOB. Not battery operated boyfriend. Or even HHB=hand held boyfriend.
Ok, now as much as I enjoy talking about my dildo, enough, people!

I was reading an article about chewing gum and apparently Wrigley is looking to connect chewing gum with losing weight. They're saying it's a 5-10 calorie snack, but I read another more interesting article on chewing gum a few months back. The article stated that continuously chewing gum is one of the WORST things you can do because it keeps a constant stream of sugar/artifical sweeteners in your body, which affects your insulin levels. That makes sense when you think about it and we all know people who chew gum like it's going out of style. Unfortunately, my dentist's assistant is one of them. She has such a huge wad of Hubba Bubba in her mouth all the time I'm amazed she can speak.

Zal sent me this story about Britney Spears hiring midgets for her husband's birthday party.
My first thought was, "Gee, Spederline must have a midget fetish." Then I read the complete story.
I liked this part, "Everyone found Britney's surprise really hilarious. Kevin and Britney and their friends were in fits."
Must be wonderful to be so rich that you can use others as the butt(s) of your jokes, huh? I knew they didn't have class, but
gee, do they have to keep proving me right?

So I was thinking about Jay's "too much information" comment last night and
I realized that for ME talking about sex isn't too much info. For ME talking about your bathroom
habits like "I haven't taken a shit all week" or when somebody says "I vomited all night long"
THAT is waaaaay too much information for me.

Bugzzz writes: "Goddess, I'm SO glad you posted that comment about your dildo."
See, Jay? I knew it would affect SOMEONE'S life! Matter of fact, I think it's changed her life entirely!
And you're welcome, Bugzzz.

Wow. I actually had one WHOLE MONTH when Overtime Hawg had to stick to her own damn schedule.
So far this month she's hit me up for two days. Looks like I'm gonna have to start refusing again.
And again, the drama..."oh my husband has to have medical tests and I need to be there." Uh huh.
Lord knows I don't believe any of it, but I said yes. Because I said yes to that, she
immediately hit me up for another day off in June. I give an inch and she never fails to take a mile.

Hmm, Jay thinks my dildo entry was "too much information." I don't think so. I mean maybe someone
reading this page will email me and say, "Goddess, I am SO glad you posted that comment about your dildo.
I bought a red one and a vibrant green one. The red one didn't feel nearly as good as the neon green one."
And I would have been none the wiser if I had posted about it...

I'm online ordering a double headed dildo. Who knew there were so many color choices?
So tell me, do I want a pink, frosted ice, blue, purple, red or black one? Lordy, it's easier to pick out a car...
I found one I liked on one site, but they wanted my Social Security number. No way in hell am I giving that sort of personal and IMPORTANT information for a lousy sex toy.

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