Saturday, March 18, 2006

all i wanna do is have some fun until the sun comes up over santa monica boulevard

I was reading an article on MSN about dating a co-worker. Their tips included keeping it quiet, no public displays of affection, don't fight in the office,
no personal emails, don't let it affect your job [personally I think all of those tips are included under "keep it quiet"] and keep it professional if it ends.
Since I dated (and married) a boss, here are some of MY tips:
1. NEVER offer to carry his hat or cane.
Ooops. That's one of my rules about dating your pimp. My bad.
Ok, my list:
1. Screw your co-workers. But only figuratively speaking.
Go right to the top. Date your boss...or your Sergeant.
For those of you who INSIST on dating your co-workers or don't have the smarts to date your boss, you may follow the rest of these rules:
2. Never have sex on your desk...during office hours.
Unless you're porn actors, it might just tip people off to your relationship if you're trying to keep it on the downlow.
3. If you and he are talking in a group with other co-workers, never begin a sentence with "Hey, about that blow job I gave you last night..."
Then again why would you EVER have reason to begin a sentence with those words?
4. You're at work, and you just discovered he's had sex with your sister. Calmly crack him in the nuts as hard as you can, but SAY NOTHING!
That way, in case you were wrong, there's still a (slim to none) chance you might be able to resume your affair and your co-workers will still be none the wiser.
5. As much as we all enjoy it, do NOT let him walk up to you and fondle your boobs during a meeting.
That sort of behavior belongs in the employee lunchroom!
6.IF it ends, send emails to every one of your co-workers describing his struggles with erectile dysfunction.
Not like he's ever gonna be your BOSS, right?

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