Monday, February 20, 2006

my baby takes the morning train

Happy President's Day! Now get out there and show your patriotism by buing a mattress!! Don't mail.

Let's start the day out with a hee haw:
"Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of
Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the
counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Seven" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are
for him. He's my little brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you
use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do
either one."

We spent Sunday afternoon at the hospital with Mr. G's dad. He was admitted for chest pains.
And let me just say this: it's a sad, sad day when you're admitted for chest pains
and your wife argues for them to keep you for a psych evaluation. They decided to monitor him overnight because his heart enzymes were elevated, but they found nothing other than that. He kept asking me about the monitors he was hooked up to, and he said, "What's that first machine for?" [It was an ecg machine--electrocardiogram--which was monitoring his heart activity, but since he was in there for a possible heart attack, I didn't want to tell him that.]
I said, "It's a machine to monitor your brain activity."
He said "What does it say?"
I said, "No brains found."
From what I see and hear I'd say his dad has some dementia, but the condition is aggravated by alcohol and a PITA wife and daughter.
When it comes to caregiving for the elderly, there is one thing that I see all the time that PISSES ME OFF MAJORLY. And that is family/friends who ARGUES about facts with someone who has dementia or Alzheimer's. It's as intelligent as arguing your point with a two year old. They don't fucking KNOW ANY DIFFERENTLY but the mentally sound ones SHOULD, so SHUT THE FUCK UP. If they tell you the sky is pink polka dotted, farking say, "Yeah, I know, great color isn't it?." They THINK they're right and family arguing with them solves nothing. Mr. G's dad wanted his daughter to stay at the house with their mother, but she kept saying, "I'm taking Mom to my house." He didn't want that, mostly because he's a stubborn coot who has to have his way. Finally I said, "For Pete's sake, just tell him you're going to stay at the house." She said, "But I'm not!" Now this is a 56 yr old woman who fucking ought to know better. I said, "I KNOW you're not, just SAY you are."
Gawd, how stupid can you get?! Then she did and he settled down. All I can say is, he better be released tomorrow like they told him he would be, or he is going to be one pissed off mo fo. When the doctor came in and told him they were going to keep him, he said, "Oh, this is a bunch of shit!" He's going to have a miserable night because he's been drinking like crazy lately and to have to go cold turkey, well, let's just say I'm glad I'm not his nurse. His wife encourages his drinking because there comes the point when he passes out and she gets some peace and quiet, but she's not thinking clearly on this issue. She's paying a high price for a couple hours of peace because when he gets drunk, he's as mean as the day is long. I think he'd be much better served by taking a tranquilizer than alcohol, and trust me, I'm not one to advocate nerve pills of any kind, but he needs something for his temper.

I think I can see why our health costs are so doggone high. While we were at the hospital waiting for Mr. G's dad to be admitted, we were walking around looking at all the changes that had been made over the last few years since Mr. G was there. This is one of those hospitals where they are CONSTANTLY making upgrades. There were junk food and soda vending machines on every floor in several places--how healthy is that?!--a latte/specialty coffee shop and get this--some chick playing the piano in one of the lobbys. Ok, that was the most ridiculous thing I've seen in a long time. We were on the balcony a floor above her and there was no one else around, so I said, "Do you take requests?" She shook her head yes. I said, "Do you know Mozart?" She shook her head. "Beethoven?" She shook her head again, and I said, "Great, will you play "My Baby Takes the Morning Train?" by Sheena Easton?"
I couldn't help it! I heard it on the drive in and it was driving me nuts.
It was bugging me so badly, I had to come home and download it on Napster.

Bugzz informed me that the word she used to describe that site yesterday was "hysterical." I say if she had to drive all
night from Italy, she'd have a fucked up memory, too. Besides, I was close. "hysterical" and "hilarious" BOTH start with the letter "h".

Saturday night's two mile walk was a PISSER!!! It was 18° and the wind was blowing. Add darkness to that
and you have a recipe for cold toes and cold tits. Yuck.
BUT we prevailed over the elements! Mostly cuz Mr. G forced us to walk the full two miles.
Not that Holly and I didn't give award whining performances!!

I love this part of "Jerk" by Kim Stockwood---yes, Jay STILL has me listening to that doggone song!
"So next time someone makes you feel little
Just sing this song inside your head
And like a great big cartoon bubble
These lovely words will dance above their head
How I've waited for today
When I could finally say
You jerk
You jerk
You are such a jerk
There are other words
But they just don't work"

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