Tuesday, February 21, 2006

i'm sorry if it causes you distress i'm sorry i never loved you

Oh no he Di'NT! Donald Trump said he wishes Martha Stewart would just 'take responsibility" for the fact that her show flopped. Martha is blaming the fact that Trump's Apprentice was "too much" apprentice for one night. Apparently, Martha was supposed to open her show by giving Donald the boot,but Donald insisted his show stay on, too. ImHO, Martha's show flopped because Martha was trying to be something she isn't: nice.

One more reason I'm glad to be back in PA? i could NOT find a decent gob Anywhere in Italy!!

last night i was trying and trying to get my lexmark copier, scanner, cappuccino maker, salad tosser and printer to work, but it kept telling me there was a paper jam. I'm like "HOW can there be a paper jam when there's no paper in it?!" I flipped it upside down and there was a Nestle's peanut butter Treasure wrapper stuck in the paper feeder. Sigh. IN MY DEFENSE, I have to put everything on a high shelf or the dog roots through it, including the garbage cans. So I have the computer room garbage can on the book shelf ABOVe the printer. Apparently in one of my NBA moments--"she shoots! she couldn't score if her life depended on it!"--I missed the garbage can and it went straight into the printer.

My girlfriend called me this morning and said her church is looking for someone to cover the upcoming Special Olympics. She thought that since I covered the Olympics in Turin, I'd like to cover these. I'm like, "Sorry, but no way in HELL am I driving all the way back to Italy to update." Although I AM kinda upset I didn't bring home one of those Hulk Hogan shroud/beach towels.

I saw two episodes of COPS from Vegas last night that I don't remember seeing before, but Officer Bob Kinch was in
the one and it reminded me why I picked him as Hott Cop O'The Week, not once, but twice.
He's dreeeeeeeeeeeamy.
In the second episode some idiot tried to break into the police impound lot in Vegas and steal some bikes.
Who would be so incredibly stupid as to try and steal a Hovero--I mean a BIKE
from the police impo--oh, bite me, every last one of you!!!
Needless to say, HE got caught, too! HA!

Last night after I logged off I discovered two voice mail messages from Overtime Hawg's sister. She said O.T. Hawg wasn't feeling well--this is like 85 weeks in a row now, must be some sort of record--and she was, of course, in the ER having tests taken. (Instead of keeping a Hott COPS spreadsheet, I should keep a spreadsheet on how many times she's bothered me on my week off.)
She said, "She's not sure if she's going to work tomorrow or not, but she'll call you at 6 a.m. to let you know one way or the other." As. FUCKING. IF.
I called back and said, "Tell her maybe she can get the boss to work for her,
my father in law is in the hospital and I won't be available."
She said, "What's he in for?" I SHOULD have said, "Testicle problems."
How freaking rude can you be? I said, "He's in for heart problems" and right away she's like, "Oh, ok, no problem." She wouldn't ask the Boss because she knows she'll lose those hours, but she can bug me.

Gave Mr. G a blowjob last night, Zal. I know you're worried.
And you'll also be happy to know that on an Olympic scale, it rated tens across the board.

Zal thinks my posts are huge recently cuz I'm not "getting any." Au contraire. I'm getting quite a lot lately.
My posts are huge right now because I'm in the "fertile phase" of my cycle. Now is when I'm the most "creative". Right after I get my period, I become more introspective and have to struggle to find things to talk about because my "feminine fields are fallow".
[LOL. Sounds dramatic, huh? I just made that phrase up. I love it.]
Don't ask me why, but a woman's creativity has something to do with her cycle.
Christiane Northrup wrote a very interesting book called, "Women's Bodies, Women's Minds" and she touches on this very subject.

Still no conclusive news on Mr. G's dad. They said he had a chemical imbalance, which might account for
the "nuttiness" at times IF it's in his head. I'm not sure if it's in his body or his brain or where it is exactly.
He seems fine during the day, but he gets goofy towards 2 or 3 a.m. and that's what happened last night too. I know
the one night he said to Mr. G, "How are they going to work that with my blood?" And Mr. G said, "What do you mean?" He said, "How are they going to get the blood out of me so they can burn it for oil in the furnace?" So he was really off in his thinking.

Several years ago, I was on the Chesapeake Bay on a cousin's boat. The
water was really choppy and while it didn't bother me at the time, when
we got back to the house, for several hours everything was 'moving in waves' in
front of my face. Nobody experienced it but me, so I thought that if I
ever went out on the water again, I'd probably be a prime candidate for
sea sickness. I happened to mention this to South Sunday night and he
assured me that BECAUSE I experienced this, I WOULDN'T get seasick cuz
my brains--what there are of them--were apparently trying to adjust to
the movements of the water. Or something like that. All this time, I've been afraid and now I realize, I don't have to be afraid to be in water anymore. So that's it.

I was watching a commercial for some fiber product and the guy said, "now that's fiberlutionary!" That is NOT a word. Unless your name is
Stephen Colbert, stop fakeabetizing words!!

If you're like me and you want to remember special events to mention on your site, but often the stresses of having 16 offspring makes you as forgetful as Aunt Clara from Bewitched, check out this site.
You can set it up to send you email reminders for any events you chose and it's FREE!

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