Thursday, February 16, 2006

i hitched a ride with a vending machine repair man

Zal pointed me to a site that is having a butt boffing stories contest with video and magazine subscription prizes.
He told me to tell my Jack Daniels story. That is PERSONAL and PRIVATE!!!!
I couldn't divulge that..............................................unless there were large amounts of $$$$$$ involved. Money takes the sting out of the humiliation.

I finally got caught up on my COPS episodes. I usually watch the "new" (hahahaha) eps while I'm doing my jigsaw puzzles and then once more while actually paying attention. So Goddess' Hott Cop O'The Week award goes to: Officer Mark Cirkosz of (where else?!) Las Vegas. I gotta give a Hottie Shout Out to Officer Peter Connell, too, cuz the more I see of him, the more I like him. They should have chosen someone like him to 'break out' of the regular COPS shows, instead of that twit John Bunnell. I could put up with his no nonsense attitude so much better than I can put up with Bunnell's fake tan and equally fake teeth. Now Officer Connell, as you might remember because I've discussed it about ten times now, was the officer on the scene of the infamous flamingo stealing attempt, heretofore referred to as FlamingoGate. He gave those idiots a run for their money, but last week he had another good segment, too. He saw this chick part ways with her girlfriend, then walk right into the arms of another guy on the sidewalk, who proceeded to kiss her and feel her up right in public. Officer Connell goes over to make sure she's ok, and she starts mouthing off to him and telling the guy she was with that Officer Connell only stopped him because he's "not white." Oy. The point is the man put up with a lot of shit and he did it with finesse. He gets sexier every time I see him, damn it!

I gotta stop reading these MSN articles on relationships, most of them are such crap. They had one today called "Men's Insider Tips for Women," written by a woman because, of course, who knows more about the way men think than a woman?
That's like a Dalmation giving tips on how to be a good Poodle....
Granted, she cites "examples" from men, but I think the article would have more believability if it had been penned by a man.
Where's Bob Berkowitz when ya need him?
Some of them made sense, like guys enjoying "real" women with all their curves and imperfections. I think women are much harder on themselves than men will ever be. Of course, as with all of these "insider tips" there are exceptions to the rule.
Mike South would, of course, be the exception to the "you don't need to be a model" rule.
[Speaking of Mike, this is for you, South--]
"Unusual spots for sex turn us on," is something that's such common knowledge that I'd hardly consider it to be any sort of secret.
"we like women who are assertive, not aggressive and we're not as different as you think" both ring true. But some of these "insider tips" make men sound like desperate, needy four year olds, like "we want to be constantly admired." Well, gee, who doesn't, but how realistic is that? And "we want to be validated all the time," again, great gig if you can get it, but don't hold your breath for that sort of relationship to last very long. You can't expect a person to sit around admiring YOU and your accomplishments all day long.
"Kissing and romance mean AS MUCH to us as sex." I'm sorry, but I'm not buying that. Maybe for gay guys, but not for a lot of heterosexual guys. I'm not saying that they don't consider them to be important, but AS important as sex? I sincerely doubt that. If you're not sure where your guy stands on this issue, make him this offer, "this week I will give you ten kisses and ten cuddles or ten blow jobs, your call." I'm very comfortable with my husband's love, but there's no doubt in my mind
which one he'd chose....... if he thought he could get away with it.

Speaking of my sweetie, I caught Mr. G as he was coming out of the shower this morning and after a few minutes of kissing and caressing and other "stuff," I was again reminded of why they refer to an erection as a "boner." Yikes!

Ok, I admit it. I missed that maniac dog last night and Mr. G called me several times to tell me how much the dog was moping around, looking for me. I said, "Why? Isn't biting you fun enough for her?"

Yesterday was an exciting day at the Olympics. I was invited out for pizza (by several male members of the U.S. Swim Team, I might add) to a pub that wasn't Hoveround friendly. What a DILEMMA!! On one had I hand hott men and even hotter pizza. On the other, I would have to WALK into the pub to enjoy these delicacies.
What to do? What to do? I sat at the curb, of course, and had the hott guys bring the pizza out to me.

Today I witnessed one of the sickest things ever---"snowboard cross" the new Olympic event. It's been dubbed "NASCAR on Ice."
Isn't NASCAR on the ground bad enough???

Has Saddam starved to death yet? It's been like...FOREVER!

Thank God. Bugzzz solved the "before and after" mystery that was befuddling me.
The answer was "Ice cream social" and "Social Security number".
Thank you, ma'am. I was able to sleep well Wednesday night knowing that answer. It was driving me bonkers.

I just had a humorous conversation with Overtime Hawg. She works every other week when I'm off, same shift I do, Friday through Thursday. She owes me today off, but I worked OT last night and finished up at 7:30 this morning. I start an hour earlier Wed, Thurs, and Fri, as does she. So she calls me and says, "Should I be there at 7:30 or 8:30?" I said, "7:30 the way you always do on a Thursday." She said, "I never work Thursdays." I'm like, "What?!" She said, "I always start on Friday." I said, "yes, but you finish on Thursday, so what time do you come in on Thursday when you finish your week?" And she said, "7:30. But what time should I be there tomorrow?"

Ok somebody explain this to me. I was watching Wheel of Fortune with the boss (sigh) and they had that much hated (ok mostly by me) "before and after" category. Now I remember it would be something like "Lucille Ball and Chain." Tonight's was "Ice cream social security number." Somebody explain that to me cuz I sure as HELL don't get it.

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