Saturday, January 21, 2006

grey skies are gonna clear up put on a happy face

Goddess' Hott Cop O'The Week award goes to: Officer Nicholas Farese of the Las Vegas Metropolitan PD. Could he BE any hotter? AND he's a manly, no nonsense kind of guy. My FAVORITE kind.

Never underestimate the power of a pissed off chick. I spent the day crying, screaming and slamming
doors harder than any frustrated, hormonal teenager ever could, and alas, my seeds of discontent took root.
As I type this I am seating comfortably in my beloved Hoveround. I admit it did take them longer to crack open their little
piggy banks than I thought it would, but the offspring didn't let me down.
Indeed several of them didn't even bother to open their banks, they just shoved them at me,
screaming, "TAKE IT!! IT"S ALL I HAVE! BUT IF IT'LL SHUT YOU UP, IT'S MONEY WELL SPENT!!!"
Ahhh, several hours later and I am still basking in the warm glow of their love.
Basking and riding, basking and riding.
The police did make me promise never to drive my Hoveround on the highway again.
They cannot confine me or control me!
Well, actually, this citation says otherwise.
That having been said, I think I shall drive to the kitchen, make myself a cup of hot chocolate,
melt in a chocolate bar and drink it with some S'Mores.

C.P. told me I should consider raising ducks. Puhleeze.Ducks are not the adorable
baseball hat wearing, shorts loving creatures you see in Disney cartoons. They are vile, vicious animals that will attack you with little
or no provacation. Huey, the duck we had when I was little, had a very volatile temper. He'd go ballistic when I tried to imitate him.
And I won't even tell you what he'd do when I made fun of his big feet. One time I was feeding him and I slipped and fell. The little bastard
tried to peck me to death with his bill. When it comes right down to it, ducks are BIRDS and we all know how Goddess feels about birds.*
(*Goddess is terrified of birds.)

Once again I am in hot water with Mother Goddess. (And I say that like there are times I'm actually OUT of it.)
I bought Female Offspring #1 a t shirt that says, "I gave myself to Jesus, but now he never calls," and she wore it to my mother's.
My mother has always been the kind of person to shame us into doing something she wants, so the first thing she said was,
"What did your mother say about that t shirt?!"
And Female Offspring #1 said, "What did she say? SHE'S the one that bought it for me!"

I have come up with an absofreakinglutely fool proof method of getting my beloved Hoveround back.
I am going to make the lives of everyone
around me MISERABLE until THEY figure out a way to get it back FOR me.
Luckily, this is something I am quite good at.
If all goes as planned--MUHAHHAHAHA--I will be riding my Hoveround to bed tonight....
BTW, Jay, you can just mail me the quarter.
Oh, and our postage here is .39 cents now.
I don't want that postman on my doorstep forcing me to pony up that .2 cents.

Mr. G talks to Holly the same way he used to talk to Female Offspring #1 when she was little. When she was tired, he'd carry her to bed and say, "Are you a tired bird?" I don't where he got that, but she'd say "I'm a tired bird" when she wanted to go to bed. A few minutes ago, he and Holly went to bed for a nap, and I heard him say to her, "Are you a tired bird?" and I just had to laugh.

Once Overtime Hawg woke me up early, all went as planned.
Holly chewed her bones and I yakked on IM a good bit of the day. Life is good!

Overtime Hawg called me at 7:30 a.m. to ask me a question she knew the answer to months ago, and she starts her message on the answering machine thusly, "I know you're not up yet, but..." Well, I AM NOW, aren't I? Asswipe. Then she goes on to say, "....I need to know how to do such and such, but you don't need to call me back until this afternoon." Well thanks for waking me up to tell me that. When I called her back a short time later, she said all coylike, "Oh, did I wake you up?" I was NOT in the mood to feign politeness and I said, "Of course you woke me up." There was several seconds of total silence on her end. And then, "Oh, oh, I'm so sorry." That was her ONLY "bug the shit out of Goddess" card this week. Any more calls will go unanswered. Then she says to me, "So and so said you have a cell phone. I didn't know that. I couldn't find the number here at work." I said, "And you wont' find it. The only people who have that number are my husband, my daughter and about four other people, only one of whom is family." And I only gave it to my one sister cuz she told me how to go about getting the phone. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have given it to her either.

Trillian is annoying the fark out of me by telling me everytime I log on that I have mail in my aol account. I don't even HAVE an aol mail account!

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