Wednesday, January 11, 2006

brimful of asha on the 45

Hey, kids. Look who's on the cover of Atlanta's Creative Loafing? And who knows more about loafing than this guy...
Ok, I loved the "beady eyes" description....LOL. Like South's some sort of perv....oh, that's right. He is.

For those of you who are too lazy to crack open (get it? crack...never mind) the National Enquirer, I made a special trip to the store and bought a copy.
I did! I SWEAR! If you haven't seen her in awhile, brace yourself, but this is what Whitney Houston looks like today. And NO, after seeing her on Being Bobby Brown, I do NOT think that picture is re-touched one iota. She looks that bad.

Lisa said she saw this t shirt in the store--you can see she's clearly still IN the store in one of the pics...LOL--and she thought of me
so she snapped the pic. I like her spunk! Truth to be told, she's partially right. I like men OUT of uniform. Thanks, Lisa!

Last night I saw an episode of COPS from '03 featuring Officer Erik Larson, of Palm Springs. I've seen this particular segment many times and every time I see it, I'm amazed at how well the officer kept his cool when dealing with a female dimwit, who refused to cooperate. The original call was for a problem with loud music and people drinking by their truck on the street. Officer Larson asked this chick at least five or six times for her identification, and many times, she just stood there looking at him. I wanted to slap the bitch myself. Then she says, "Oh, I'll go get my gun." How smart is it to say THAT to a cop? Anyway, he finally ended up hauling her off to jail on a warrant, and
personally I was glad to see her go.

Lindsay Lohan is upset with a Vanity Fair article that says she has bulimia. She claims that her words were misconstrued.
Shut up, Lindsay. Have we not established that the more pitiful you are, the more the American public embraces you when you become famous?!
But--and this gets me--she's pissed about it now, but when a lot of young girls come out and say she's helped them by her story,
she won't be denying it anymore. I think she's concerned about possible fall out right now.

If you're in the grocery store, open the National Enquirer that has Whitney Houston on the front and check out her picture. Now THAT is sad.
I've mentioned before how bad she looks, but if you haven't seen her lately, check that out.
Her face is so gaunt and old from alleged drug use that if it wasn't for the fur coat and snotty attitude, you wouldn't know that was Whitney.
Only Whitney would wear a fur coat to a convenience store.

Well who knew he was gonna check up on me?! I was sorting through the mail with Mr. G and saw that the first payment on my laptop was due.
He said, "So you've had the laptop for a month now. How much writing have you done?"
I, of course, immediately countered with an intellectual, "Huh?" And that was quickly followed by
a thought provoking, "Now when you say, "writing," are we talking "writing writing," or "IM writing" or "writing for somebody else's site" or "writing for my site"?"
He said, "Writing on your novel writing."
Again, I was prepared with an excellent, well thought out response, "Ooooooooooh. That."
UGH. Then I got the "buckle down and get more disciplined" speech. Sigh. But he's absolutely right.
I transferred everything I have to date to the laptop and so far I've done diddly.


Speaking of writers, I see two writers, JT LeRoy and James Frey (an Oprah Book O'Da Month Club author) have been charged with fabricating "facts" about their pasts. LeRoy has always claimed to be a 25 yr old man, but thoughts are that "he's" really a 40 yr old woman. Frey has been accused of lying about time spent in jail and embellishing his problems with the law. I plan to embellish my past when I become famous myself. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but you're going down. I'm going to tell everyone how you used to beat us and feed us bread crusts every night. I'll have a professional photographer retouch all my old chubby adolescent pics and make me look rail thin and pathetic. Well, I pretty do look pathetic in all my pics anyway. I'm going to blab about how we each had our own cardboard box to live in outside the house while Mom and Dad lived inside in the warmth and cheerful atmosphere. You know, the more I think about it, I think I'll take each one of my siblings down, too.
Except the one I might be forced to live with if the book flops or is a one hit wonder.
Oh, I'll make it good and pitiful. Cuz the underdawgs get all the sympathy and hell, sympathy sells!
When you can't rely on hot and sexy, po and pitiful is the next best thing. Just ask Frey and LeRoy.

Damn it. Bugzz sent me this email days ago and I forgot to post it. Sorry about that. Personally, I blame the drugs. You know, as in not having enough of them. Anywho, I was talking about that weirdo chick marrying a dolphin and Bugzz had this to say: "Tell me....why is it that a woman can marry a dolphin, and it will get *some* media attention....but when a man wants to marry another man...read another human being all hell breaks loose, and the claws and picket signs come out? I can't understand that...one is an animal (or mammal...whatever...I can still see it at the Sea World)...and the other option is humans of the same sex wanting to marry each other..."
Hmmm, I believe you need to ask the other dolphins why they were too friggin' lazy to protest this atrocity upon their species.
Normally, Bugs will tell me stuff about the Buglet and I don't post it because it's usually personal, but I thought this was too cute and since it isn't personal I'm sure she won't mind me sharing. She said his newest favorite phrase is "What gibs?" LOL. I love that.

Damn. Lexington Steele was looking mighty fine in all the pics I've seen of him from the show.

I was out shopping this morning and I see Star Jones has a new book out on how to get a man.
Not sure if she means a man everybody alleges is gay, or a known heterosexual.
I was reading through some of it and oh Lord, she even gives hair and make up tips.
Lord save me from celebs who take years to get a man, then gets one that everybody alleges is gay, is married to him for an ENTIRE YEAR,
then considers herself an expert on females and relationships.

Close to 80 dogs have died from eating contaminated dog food. Diamond Pet Foods, located in South Carolina has recalled 19 varieties of cat and dog food that is believed to be contaminated with "...aflatoxin, a naturally occurring toxic chemical that comes from a fungus found on corn and other grains that causes severe liver damage in animals." One woman's dog has such severe liver damage that she has to force feed it six times a day with a syringe. That would be so gut wrenching.
People pamper their pets in so many ways and for them to get deathly sick or die from something that was supposed to be good for
them is just heartbreaking. The food was distributed mostly in states along the East Coast.

Ok, I *think* I'm off until Sunday now. The other woman called yesterday and said she was coming in on Tuesday.
She's driving me crazy. She called me no less than five times on Sunday. "I'm coming in." "I'm not coming in."
"I changed my mind. I better stay home." "No, I'm coming out."
FUCKING MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!! She has a bowel obstruction and instead of going
into the hospital, she took all the stuff home with her that she has to take. She said she can't miss work because she has a $400 pharmacy bill to pay.
Then--get this--in the next breath she tells me that she doesn't want to work on Saturday because she gets her hair and nails done every Saturday.
And the boss told me she just spent over $100 on Easter crap from a catalog one of the other women brought in.
Well, damn. She's practically got one foot in the poorhouse, doesn't she?
Gawd, I HATE it when people have money and cry poor. If you're going to cry poor like I do, at least fucking BE POOR!!
No, some people can't even do poverty right.
She had gastric bypass surgery last year and she says that makes her prone to these colon problems. But when you have part of your colon
removed, you can't be fooling around with an obstruction just so you can get your freaking nails done. What I DON'T WANT is for her to work a
couple days then take a couple more days off. I hate that about her. I don't think I've seven days in a row off since August. She always needs off.
The bad part about is that she's bothered me so much the last few months about needing different days off,
that when she's sick like this, I'm more annoyed than compassionate, which is how I should be responding.

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