Saturday, December 31, 2005

we drank a toast to innocence we drank a toast to time

And a white trash Christmas was had by all... brrrrrrrr.

If you've never heard it, the 12 STD's of Christmas is rather interesting..
(In England they're called STI's, hence the difference in the title.)

I had rather disturbing conversation with a co-worker this morning when she informed me
that Iraqi men were "good looking," and that Saddam was "very handsome."
Sorry, they're not exactly my cup of Assam Mumri tea, if you know what I mean.

Today as I was driving to work, there was a woman driving a Hoveround UP THE HIGHWAY. I opened my window and yelled,
"Damn it, lady! You can't drive that on the hi---heeey! What a fab idea!!!"
It might be a tad chilly, but tomorrow I'm driving my Hoveround to work.
Hell, it's only 7 miles and it might prove to be a great way to
meet cops.

Since I didn’t do a “thankful” column in November, I’ll do my “grateful” list as the year draws to a close. Most of Oprah’s ideas drive me bonkers,
but she did have a good idea when she suggested you write down five things that you are grateful for each day, and I’m starting on my fourth year of doing this in 2006.
When I think I’m fighting the losing battle, I read through my old gratitude journals to remind myself that I have much more good in my life than I realize.

As 2005 comes to an end, I am grateful for:
Mr. G and the offspring. I’d be a basket case without them. Ok, I'm a basketcase with them, but I'd be MORE of a basket case without them.
My web pimp, Mike South, who pulls my ass out of the computer related fire more often than not. I bow to your (computer only) expertise…
I am EVER so grateful for my HOVEROUND!! She’s one sweet little ride and oh how that comfy seat hugs my butt cheeks.
I am grateful for hot cops everywhere. Hell, I’m even grateful for the ugly ones.
I am totally grateful for my laptop!!! YAY!!!
I am thankful for all the people who skim my site daily and I’m grateful for Google, cuz that’s usually how they find it.
I am grateful for all my “old” online pals--you know who you are-- and for the new ones I met this year.
I am grateful that Alex is always on the lookout for interesting cop links for me, and Zal is on the lookout for
interesting links that make me say, "Oooo, that's really...OWIE!".
God bless those half naked cop calendars and big black thrusting dudes. I mean God Bless Alex and Zal. 
I am thankful for my menstrual cycle. Long may she work properly.
I am grateful for my creativity--or lack thereof. I'm never sure which is correct.
I am grateful for my site!! YIPPEE!!

I can't believe it. I'm watching Lifetime and they conducted a poll. 58% of the women polled said
they'd rather take an all day shopping spree than spend a romantic evening with the man of their dreams.
WHAAA?? Are those chicks smoking crack or what?! You can go shopping any old time, but a romantic
evening with your dream guy is a once in a lifetime thing.

Don't ever go to a discount tattoo parlor. I thought it would be majorly cool to have"Goddess of the Universe" written up
the length of my arm starting at my wrist. I wanted it written in a scrolly script font. The dumbshit tattoo dude didn't do a pattern beforehand, because
he said he "knew what he was doing." Oh yeah he knew what he was doing. That's why I am now the proud owner of a "Goddess of the Uni" tattoo. Dumb fuck.
He said, "Well I can always continue across your shoulders and the back of your neck." Yeah, that'll look so....RIDICULOUS. Grrrrr..............
Then he tried this route. He said, "It'll keep people guessing. They'll wonder what you're the Goddess of."
I said, "Yeah, Goddess of the Unicorns or Goddess of the Unimarts, take your pick, asswipe."

MSN has a bunch of articles on pregnancy today, one of which was "Gearing up for a Baby, Must Haves..."
They mentioned things like clothing, car seats, diapers, blah blah. Ok now let's talk about what you REALLY need when
you welcome a new baby into the family. First of all, drugs and lots of 'em. For you, not the baby. Secondly alcohol and
lots of it. And I don't mean rubbing alcohol. You'll need the alcohol to chase down the pills.
Thirdly, you'll need car seats in Grandma and Grandpap's car. Pretty much self explanatory.
Did I mention drugs?
Next, you'll need ear plugs to block out the crying.....that your S.O.'s doing when you make him take the 2 a.m. feeding.
Oh, and NEVER BREASTFEED. Otherwise, you'll get stuck with the feedings every time. This sets a BAD precedent.
Next thing ya know, they'll be expecting you to change the diapers every time, too.
Last up, load up on toys. Again for yourself. He'll be so exhausted from the early morning feedings, you'll need to take care of yourself. Wink, wink.

Tomorrow on FX, COPS MARATHON!!! Whoo hooo! What a great way to ring in the New Year.

Happy New Year!!


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