Sunday, December 11, 2005

our cheeks are nice and rosy and comfy cozy are we

Jayme writes: "Goddess reading your old journals--define "shake it like a Polaroid picture."
Damn it, Jayme, what are you? Five years old that you don't know the answer to this!
When the old Polaroid instant cameras expelled the pic, you had to wait for it to dry.
Many people--moi included--would shake it to dry. Hence the phrase from "Hey Ya," 'shake it like a Polariod picture.'
Now go shake your ass like a Polaroid picture, Jayme.

Goddess' Hott Cop O'The Week Award goes to: Officer Chad Mills from the Fort Worth, Texas PD. *insert "are you a parking ticket, cuz you have fine, fine, fine written all over you* here...if this wasn't farking Blogger*
BTW, those Hott Cop magnets are just FLYING out of here. So make sure you email me to get yours.

WARNING!!! Do not listen to the following if you're hungry for a Whooper. Damn near did me in.
Here's a little Burger King Christmas Carol sung to the tune of Carol of the Bells someone posted on the COPS forum.

I can't believe there's this big debate about people saying "Happy Holidays" as opposed to "Merry Christmas."
ONLY in this country could people get all worked up about such a trivial thing.
I always say "Happy Holidays" because I'm including both Christmas and New Year's.
But I certainly am not going to get bent out of shape if someone says "Merry Christmas."

Pope Benedict is bitching that "rampant commercialism" is ruining Christmas. That's rich considering I've gotten about
15 offers from the Church to buy Masses and Mass cards and rosaries for my loved ones for Christmas this past week alone.
Only the Church would SELL Masses, then gripe that *others* are commercializing holidays.

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work Friday morning because I knew it would be the perfect time to shop, as I stated the other day.
I was chatting with the (bored) cashier about my offspring. The lady behind me said, "You have 16 offspring?! How do you tell them apart?!"
What kind of question is that? I said, "Lady, they're children. They're not cattle. They're minature people with their own distinct personality".
FYI if you're a cow person, don't bother to email me and tell me how cattle have their own distinct personality.
I said, "Of course I can tell them apart. Only an idiot wouldn't know their own kids.
For instance, little whatshisface LOVES bugs, but the skinny one is terrified of them."
I hope she doesn't reproduce. I pity her kids.

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