Wednesday, December 14, 2005

long lay the world in sin and error pining

Ok now that the holiday season is rapidly approaching, I have a "manners" question for all five of my loyal skimmers. If you're offered a piece of chocolate
from one of those lameass unmarked assortment boxes, isn't it perfectly acceptable to put the candy to your nose and sniff it before accepting it?
I mean, if you don't, you run the risk of getting stuck with one of those icky jellied candies or those strawberry cream candies. UGH. I hate those. Worse yet: MAPLE CREAM. Can I get a collective "EWWWW!!"?

#78 of 100 Things NOT To Say To A Cop: "Hey! I have a gun just like that!"

Received a nice email from Mimi, in which she told me about a friend who lived in a trailer court, but she said they referred to it as an "outdoor resort."
That's kinda like using the words "Kia" and "Cadillac" interchangeably. I guess they called it an outdoor resort
cuz when you're living in a trailer ya might as well be living outdoors. But it does have kind of a classy ring to it, doesn't it?

I think we all know how much I make fun of Celine Dion, but even I must admit, she does an absolutely beautiful
version of "O Holy Night."

Oy to the World. I didn't think it was possible to mangle such a
wonderful song as Sleigh Ride, but TLC certainly managed.

Another fine Christmas tradition down the pooper. My mother just informed me that my aunt, her oldest sister, is moving to Minnesota to live with her son. We used to go to my aunt's every year for dinner and gifts the Sunday before Christmas. She was what's known as the family's re-gifter squared. Sometimes she'd give you things like purses that still had stuff in 'em. But she would never admit the item was used. When you asked her about it, she'd say, "Oh, no. That's not a used purse. I put that in there for you." One year she put a half eaten roll of Certs and a key to her storage shed for me in my gift.
She had a big piii-ano and she would play/sing Christmas music. The only thing was that everything came out sounding like opera. Didn't matter what the song or tempo. She'd slow it down and sadden it up until you thought you were listening to Mariah Carey on downers. One year we snuck Jingle Bell Rock into her stack of sheet music. OMG. We were howling. You haven't lived until you've heard "Jingle Bell Rock" sung in a soprano opera voice.

Ooooooooooooo. Big goings on in da 'court last night when one neighbor threatened to shoot a hole in the other neighbor's santa decoration. And NO, for once I was neither "neighbor." I have more sense than to shoot a bb hole in a decoration. What you want to do is cut a big square out of the fabric in a couple different places. Not a small bullet hole that can easily be patched. Anywho, this decoration IS a P.I.T.A. It's a big talking Santa, and over and over it says, "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas." Then it breaks into a (semi) rousing rendition of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." I admit the first time
I heard it I thought it was cute. The 683rd time I heard it....not so cute.

Dang. I wish I would have had my camera with me a few minutes ago. I let Holly outside to do her
bidness and when I went back out to call her in, I couldn't see her anywhere. All of a sudden her head
popped up from behind a snowbank and her snout was all white with snow. I've never had a dog who
loved the snow as much as she does.

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