Ways to know it’s a Police Officer's Christmas
1. You’re making a list, and checking it twice, you’re gonna find out who’s naughty and then arrest them.
2. Your partner keeps dropping hints that he loves Beanie Babies.
3. Holding cells are filled to the max with drunken department store Santas.
4. You’re working while the rest of the world watches their kids open their presents.
5. You get a gift certificate for diapers in departmental secret Santa. Your kid is 22 years old.
6. Even though things are tight, every cop in the house chipped in to get that lady who got robbed some presents to give her kids.
7. At the office Christmas party, everyone sings, "All I want for Christmas is my two percent raise, my two percent raise, oh my two percent raise."
8. Instead of "peace on earth," you wish for "a moment’s peace."
9. You worked crowd-control at the North Pole after belligerent elves stage a work slow down.
10. Silent night. Holy night. All is calm . . . except for the robbery in progress at Main Street and Elm.
Because the holidays have become so commercialized and the only one who ever benefits is the store owner,
I've decided to do things differently this year. I am taking all of the money I normally spend on the offspring and I'm donating
it to a good, trustworthy charity.
When I explained this to the offspring they were, understandably, a tad upset. After all, they have a tendency to be kinda greedy. Must get it from
the paternal side of their varied families. The most oft repeated complaint I heard was,
"YOU are not a charity, Mom! I'm telling *insert the name of their sperm donor here*!"
And in a most understanding tone of voice, I replied, "Whatevah!"
There are times I wonder how some people manage to hang onto their jobs. One of the chicks I work with is
REALLY INCREDIBLY STUBBORN. You don't tell her shit, cuz she knows better and she's done better. Anyway, the boss was upset
with the way she was doing something and she told her about it. After the boss walked away, she turned to me--totally true--and
said, "Tomorrow I'm going to do it exactly the way I've always done it and if she doesn't like it, she can tell me about it again."
Yeah, way to cooperate with the woman who pays you.
I had one bottle of Rolling Rock Saturday night. I'm smart, though. I drank it right in bed cuz I know I can't handle booze anymo.
I conked out after about 30 minutes and had to pee like a beer
drinking race horse during the night. Honestly, I can see why I don't drink any more. Takes too much effort.
Zal, how can you stand it?!
So I finally watched "You've Got Mail." Eh. There was nothing spectacular about it.
Scratch the rest of those shitty movies on that list. Actually there is one old movie
that I'd like to see. I missed it last year and I think I might have missed it again this year.
I'd like to see Christmas in Connecticut.
Sounds like it's right up my alley.