Wednesday, November 30, 2005

you're all i wanted


I think Sgt. Candelas was a bit confused about what I wanted when I asked him to get me one of those Los Begos flamingoes.
Yesterday dawned bright and lovely like every other morning in da 'court--except for the pouring rains. Female Offspring #6 left for school around noonish and a few minutes later, came running into the trailer screaming, 'Mom! Mom! There's a flamingo in the front yard!"
I said, "Honey, I know there's a flamingo in the front yard. It's been standing there all summer holding a basket of plastic Easter eggs.
I really need to think about taking that damn thing down. It's blocking the flashing jack-o-lantern."
She said, "NO! A REAL FLAMINGO! And Buddha has it by the ankle."
[Well ya know, that's what God gets for givin' 'em such skinny ankles.]
I rushed outside and son of a bitch, there he was in all his glory.
Great. As if the whole alpaca incident wasn't bad enough, now I have a flamingo.
And I defy you to even FIND a bag of Flamingo Chow in PA. I looked EVERYWHERE yesterday!

From the "lord, let this be a bad joke" file, El Cheapo sends me this story about
50 Cents and his need to satisfy millions of ladies all at the same time.
(I blame his horribly low sense of self-esteem....)
I love the part about Fiddy (not to be confused with Two Fiddy) wanting to
make the vibrators waterproof so the chicks could use them in the bath. Talk about being full of yourself.
I hope he makes 'em so they slide easily up yer ass, cuz that's where they belong.
Welcome to the wonderful world of over priced sex toys, Fiddy.

So Zal told me what was on his Christmas list--booze. ALL booze. He's a bartender, for Pete's sake.
Zal wanting booze for Christmas is like a 'ho
wanting to get laid for Christmas.

While I'm talking about Zal, he was telling me the story of an old woman who went into a diabetic coma
while her web cam was on and her son in another country got her help. Now the scary thing about
that story is that old people have web cams. Why? For elderly web cam porn?

No comments: