Monday, November 21, 2005

why can't they back up off me

I spent much of Sunday evening cleaning and downloading songs
from Napster. That's right, NAPSTER, because GODDESS PAYS FOR HER SONGS!!!
She doesn't know, any more. The first song I downloaded?
Clocks from COLDPLAY. That's right, Mr. South, COLDPLAY.
I love the music to that song. Makes me wish I could play piano.

I see the latest new Christmas decoration is the upside down tree.
And yes, it’s upside down on purpose. Screw that. Give me a tree that
hangs from the ceiling like a piƱata so the cats can’t play soccer with my ornaments.

Uh oh. Today I received this email: "Goddess, how DARE YOU post that comment about the threesome I had with the Marlboro Man and Camel Joe?! That is TOTALLY NOT TRUE!! I had a three-way with a man who smoked WINSTONS and Camel Joe. You better hope I never find out where you live, or I WILL KICK . YOUR. ASS. Hugs and Kisses, Zal’s mom."
Holy hell, she’s wicked tough!

I was flipping channels on Sunday during Steeler game commercials and saw a few minutes of "That Darn Cat." Unbelievable. My cat can’t even poop in her litter box without getting half of it on the floor, and this cat becomes an operative for the FBI. That’s it. No more feeding the cats horse meat. I’m buying the good stuff from now on.

Sherry writes: "What does it mean when a guy says 'keep in touch'?"
Well with *some* guys it means "stalk me. PLEASE." But with most guys
it means "it's been fun on a platonic sisterly kind of level." Mostly it means
don't bother monogramming his initials on your bathtowels.

Here’s something for that person on your Christmas list that you just
can’t stand: R Kelly continues to bore us with "In the Closet," with new versions 6 through God only knows. The wonderful thing about this whateveryoucall it is that R Kelly himself who bores us through the whole thing by singtalking the "story," also narrates and explains the story for those who are too stupid to get the meaning of the "song" the first time around.

Now that Santa has been so incredibly good to me,
I vow to only say good things about him,
even though that bastard could have gotten me a Crissy doll for a mere EIGHT BUCKS ON eBAY!!

I know Jamie Lee Curtis is deep into her "be yourself" gig--something those of us who can't afford plastic surgery figured out a long time ago--but that grey hair she’s currently sporting is ICK. There’s nothing wrong with trying to look the best you can at whatever age you are. And what’s wrong with looking your best? So get out that box of Clairol and zap that grey!!

There's a new reality show on A&E that I actually really liked then ended up hating all in the first episode. It's called Random 1 and it's a show about two guys who drive around the country doing good things for strangers. In the episode I saw, a guy needed a new leg and a chick wanted to work for a non-profit organization. In another ep they offered to help a guy get help for his drinking problem. If they haven't been already, I'm guessing these two guys (and this show) will be featured on Oprah. It's right up her do gooder alley. The funny thing about the show I watched is that these two guys met the chick who wanted to work for a non-profit organization in Conn, and they drove her to New York for the meeting! She didn't know these guys from Adam. The scary thing is it shows how easy it would be to dupe somebody. Her dad called her and she's like, "it's ok, dad, there's cameras and everything." As if murderers wouldn't tape a murder. And when her boyfriend called she said, "Well there's nothing I can do about it now. We're in the Bronx" as if that explained everything. Here's the reason I liked it but ended up hating it: it started out with a great premise, helping strangers achieve their goals. But there's so much faked up drama and bickering between the two guys hosting the show that it totally distracts from what they're trying to achieve.

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