Thursday, November 10, 2005

something told me it was time to leave you yours and leave me mine

Oh MAN! I just had a stunning revelation, and for once it doesn't concern my cop fetish. Our local radio station is having one of those 12 days of Christmas gift giving thingies, like it has every year. You can nominate yourself or someone you feel is deserving of good things.
(Did I talk about this before? Tough shit if I did.)
Naturally I'm going to nominate myself. Who is more deserving than moi?
I'm going to say that because I put my offspring first and meet their needs, I never have any money left over to buy my laptop. I'm also going to say that I need said laptop because I spend as much time as I can working on my website
to make THOUSANDS of people laugh every day.
Ok, there's only the five of you, but the idiots at the
radio station don't know that.

Because Louis Libby's gross sex book is doing so well--some copies are selling for thousands of dollars--I am now busy buying the books of every politician I think might fuck up or be indicted in the future. Needless to say I am buying a HUGE amount of books.

Tragedy struck last night at my trailer. "Someone" and I won't say who on the grounds that it might "discriminate me," as the dude said on COPS, "accidentally" sucked up Female Offspring #7's little white mouse with the dustbuster. Now in "someone's" defense, let me say that mice are friggin' rodents and as such, belong OUTSIDE the trailer. Who knew a small mouse would even fit inside the dust buster? Besides me, of course. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, but it was particularly hard on me--the person who had to write the tiny suicide note in tiny mouse scratch. Yes, it was a massive cover up, people. We're talking "conspiracy to withhold the truth." I went with the dairy intolerance excuse. I said that if Mr. Mouse--don't look at me, I didn't name him--couldn't
eat cheese, he had no reason to live...

Damn, Zal wrote about a contest called "The 8 Hunks of Hanukkah." Had I known about this ahead of time, I would have nominated my two Jewish brothers in porn, Mike South--aka Mike Strotherstein--and Luke Ford aka Luke Ford.

I swear Mr. G is spying on me. Or wasting MY gas, I'm not sure which. Every so often, he'll take my car somewhere instead of his own. I'll say, "Why did you take my car?" and he'll give me the old "No reason. I just like to take it now and then." Uh huh schure. And I just like to rifle through his wallet every now and then for my health.

Bugzzz writes: "What do you think about a school board in Fla outlawing Christian and Jewish holidays? No more Christmas break, no Easter break, no Ramadan, nothing Nada zilch. IMPO, let them. There is no law that states that I have to send my kid on a day when I want them home. Granted, not that I keep him out everyday, mind you....I send him because I need the peace and quiet...but if there were students that could take off school on Rosh Hashanah (my apologies to our Jewish friends if I spelled that incorrectly) why can't my kid be home on Christmas? I can't imagine the staff is too excited either..... "
I didn't hear anything about this, but I do have one thing to say about God and this sort of idiocy. The people of this country are such hypocrites. We are so quick to remove anything even remotely related to God and spirituality from our schools and our public buildings, but the minute this country has a disaster, guess whose name is on everybody's lips as we pray for Him to get us out of our mess?
Bugzzz also writes: "RE: Tom Cruise...I hope for Katie Holmes' sake that she doesn't develop postpartum depression after the birth of her supposed "love child".....according to the schmuck that she's going to marry....it doesn't exist."
Well you KNOW how derogatory stuff you say always comes back to bite you in the ass....

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