Friday, November 18, 2005

my baby takes the morning train

Goddess' Current Mood: I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!

Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!!!! 
So yesterday I received a special delivery letter from someone named "S. Claus." I'm like "S. Claus, S. Claus, I don't know anybody by the name of S. Claus." I opened the letter and this is what it said: "Dear Goddess, This is Santa Claus."
[See?! He really DOES exist!! I've been telling you people this for YEARS!]
"My wife, Mrs. Claus found several of your letters to me behind
a dusty filing cabinet in my workshop."
[I KNEW his filing system was sucky!]
"For several years you've been a very good girl--some reports rate you at "exceptional because you swallow," whatever that means--and every year you've faithfully asked for a Crissy Doll and now a laptop. Goddess, I feel badly that I can't get you that Crissy Doll..."
[Hasn't the little piss ant ever heard of eBay??!! I saw her there for only $9.99]
"But I CAN get you that laptop.
[FUCK that Crissy doll!!!]
Merry Christmas, Goddess!"
OH. MY. GAWD. Have you ever seen a more glorious sight in your life?!
(Go to my main site to see what I'm so estatic about!!)
Whooo Hooooo!!! Santa is DEFINITELY getting a blow job from ME!
Only one slight problem: now that I have it, I'm totally intimidated
and afraid to use it. Sigh.

If you want to read the Black Friday ads and you're too friggin' cranked up
on *insert your drug of choice here* to wait until the newspaper ads come out,
you can check 'em out here. Then again there are those of us who already
have their shopping finished.

I was talking on the phone with my best friend David, who was
reading some erroneous material about PA slang.
[I forgive him, though. He's from South Dakota. He doesn't know any better.]
He said, "Do you use the word 'sammich'?"
I'm like, 'HELLO?! Nooooo, I do NOT use the word "sammich."
I am a REFINED person. I use the word "samwich," thank you very much."

After reading South's update yesterday about Comcast, I'm so glad I DIDN'T pick up the phone and say, "Miiiiiiiiike, tell me how to use this laptop. I'm skeert." Phew!

Oooo, Kat informed me through all her drool that those were MOTOR COPS (her fav) in the pic I posted yesterday. Di later told me they were "patrolling the area." Guess they've never heard of "cars." Your feet never have to leave the ground. Gawd, can you IMAGINE doing THAT job?! Nooooo, thanks.

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