Monday, October 24, 2005

welcome to the jungle it gets worse here every day

Goddess' Hott Cop O'The Week Award goes to: Officer Kenneth Pierce
of Fort Worth, Texas. I loved this ep with Officer Pierce. He stopped a woman and when
he asked her age, she replied, "27." And this is where I commend Officer Pierce. He didn't even
laugh outloud when she said it. He just looked at her and said, "Are you sure?" I commend him.
I love that. (Again, the sarcastic cop wit is always funnier when directed at someone else.) The
second time he asked her she told him "29," then she coughed up to "28."
My guess is she was in her late 30's/early 40's EASILY.

Well, I almost got arrested yesterday. I gathered a bunch of
people from da 'court for our First Annual Fat N'Lazy Drag Racing Competition.
We raced our Hoverounds
and Power Chairs throughout the trailer court until some idiot
called the cops. I'm not sure who it was, but I'm fairly certain it was Lulu.
She's been covetous of my Hoveround ever since I got it. It's not my fault she has to walk.
But, oh man, you should have seen me. I heard the sirens, and I was making a  
KILLER getaway, pushing 4.5 MPH when the cops caught up to me!!
Actually he walked up to me and tapped me on the shoulder just as I was driving
up onto my front stoop. Sad thing was he was about 60 pounds overweight and
didn't even break a sweat 'catching' me. He said he would let us go with a warning "this time."
That's it. As soon as it gets dark tonight, I'm sneaking over to Lulu's trailer and putting a
"will have sex for roadkill" sign in her yard.

This is total bullshit. A pregnant woman won $10,000 for her child's education in a
Crazy Cravings Contest. She confessed that she eats at least five jars of baby food a day,
and even eats strained fruits and veggies at work. (Ya know that would probably be a
great way to lose weight.) How is THAT crazy? When I was pregnant with Female
Offspring #4, I used to eat lead paint chips.
But ONLY lead. The non-leaded paint just didn't do it for me.


Ok, what's the protocol on these emails that say "if you love me, you'll send this back
to me" sort of stuff? I never do and then I think, "Damn, they'll think I don't love them."
Truthfully, I rarely do.
But if I send it back, they'll think "what an asshole. why is she
sending me this? i sent it to her!"

About the Bengals loss to Pittsburgh, Bugzzz writes: "I TOLD you that the Bungholes
would find some way to screw up. It was only a matter of time.
As for the dancing...methinks someone thinks that since they were on a winning streak, that
they'd try to revive the Ickey Shuffle. Uh uh. No way. Ain't happenin."
The Ickey Shuffle...LOL. I remember that shit. And then the league clamped down
on "fun" of any kind. Now it's back again. Unfortunately.
I must confess, I did enjoy hearing Guns N'Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" on Sunday.
Great choice for the Bengals, who are still in first place in the AFC North, with the
Steelers only a half a game behind now.


There was a lady on Oprah yesterday and her husband had been killed in 9/11. She received
4.2 MILLION dollars from the government and other donations. And sadly enough she spent all
of it. I wasn't really clear as to why she was on the show. When Oprah asked her if she regretted spending
all the money, she kept avoiding the question by bringing up other things that weren't even relevant. She mentioned several times that her husband had been murdered, and I don't mean to sound crass because NO amount of money could replace a spouse, but lots of people have had loved ones murdered and they don't get a single dime. They have to deal with financial loss as well as their spouse's death. She was sort of acting like it was all the money's fault. If she didn't have it, she couldn't have overspent it. It made no sense to me. But I have to say she didn't spend it all on herself. She was very generous in giving to others, she even paid for one woman's boob job. I'm guessing she perhaps may have subconsciously felt guilty about receiving the money in the first place. It seemed like it was about avoidance. If I'm busy spending this money, I don't have to deal with the death of my husband, and now that it's gone, she's forced to face it. I feel for her though, I imagine the death of a spouse is a terrible loss.

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