Monday, October 17, 2005

mirrorball

Forget the damn animal crackers debacle, I have a much more serious issue at hand!!!
Last night I purchased a pack of what I THOUGHT were "fun sized" Snicker bars--you know for trick or treaters--and when I opened the pack--you know to make sure they were safe for trick or treaters--I discovered that the "fun size" candy bar is HALF THE SIZE IT USED TO BE!!!!! And yet they still have the unmigitated audacity to use the words "FUN SIZE"!!! That's it. I'm drawing up a petition to send the M&M Mars company and I expect ALL of my skimmers to sign it!! I want this situation rectified by NEXT Halloween. As it stands, I'll have to buy twice as many bags as I did last year to satisfy my--I mean the trick or treaters'--hunger.

Female Offspring #1 sent me the story of a lazy German Shepherd who was booted off the police force in Rotherham, England because he had "a complete lack of interest in fighting crime."
The subject of her email was "if Holly was a police dog..."
My favorite parts of the story, though, was when the dog zipped right past a hiding criminal to pee,
and when he lay down on the ground mid-chase and rested.

Of the Bengals' startling success, Bugzzzz writes: 'Trust me, we in Cincy are just as surprised and shocked as the rest of the country. Okay, well...maybe not all of us. I should say I am surprised and shocked because I didn't realize Cincinnati still had a football team. IIRC, the last time the Bungals had a winning season was in the late 80's and I was in junior high.
Rest assured, if the Bungals get anywhere near the playoffs (which is hysterical in and of itself), they will find some way of screwing it up."
Well they are off to an amazing start, I'll give 'em that.


Hmm, Mim was talking in her journal about a mutual friend of hers and her husbands who said she was going to come over to the house and have sex with them, and did. Ya know that has NEVER happened to me. I've had friends come over to borrow my weed eater, friends who needed some eggs for a cookie recipe and I've even had friends borrow my cat on occasion.
(Only to discover that she refuses to work in any place other than her own environment.)
But I can honestly say I've never had anyone just drop in and have sex.

I had to stop at the dry cleaners and pick up the black suit that I wore to the funeral. It's safely tucked in my closet until the next funeral. Sigh. I'm just referring to it as the "Death Suit" from now on.

Sylvester Stallone is bringing Rocky out of retirement. Don't these old guys know when to quit? Nobody is buying Ahhhnold as an action hero anymore and Rocky should be a member of the AARP by now.

I just saw the new Eastwood Insurance commercial--Coulda, Shoulda, Eastwooda? OMG. The best thing Eastwood Insurance "coulda" do at this point is FIRE THEIR DAMN AD AGENCY. As if the gay cowboy thing wasn't sad enough, along comes this fiasco. Their ads look incredibly grade schoolish.

YIKES! Gateway was premiering their TWENTY ONE inch monitor on TV Sunday.
Talk about sweet.

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