Thursday, September 08, 2005

take my picture near the pool cuz i'm the next big thing

I stopped to see my uncle at the old folk's home today and he gave me a loaf of blessed bread. Bread, as you may know is symbolic of Jesus' body in the Catholic Church.
As he hands me the bread, he says, "This is delicious if you slice it thin and toast it."
I said, "Is it permissible to put Jesus in the toaster?" which of course, went right over my uncle's head.
He said, "Sure. Last year I got a couple loaves and put it in the freezer. Its really good as French toast, too."
Well, who knew Jesus was so versatile? I said, "Do you have to say "Body of Christ" before each mouthful?" Ar ar...that's a little Catholic joke for the masses. (Get it? Masses? Catholic? Never mind...) On the bread, the label says, "This bread is provided to you and your family in preparation of the Holy Feast." I said to Mr. G, "Holy Feast"? Cool. This and a jar of chunky peanut butter constitutes a "holy feast" in my book.

I had to be at B.Dalton first thing this morning to buy little Female Offspring #7 the book, "If You Give a Pig a Party." . She's a big fan of the book by the same author, "If You Give a Pig a Pancake", which I've read 92 times. I've read it so many times in fact that I can't wait for the
book "If You Put a Pig in a Skillet With Some Hot Grease".....

(9 a.m.) Who says George Bush doesn't understand what the
common folk of the South are dealing with right now?
"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house... he lost everything....there's going to be a fantastic house.
And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."

And for everybody who blames the Katrina mess on local governments,
check out this timeline. You'.ll see that Gov. Blanco asked that a state of emergency be declared on the 27th, which would have allowed FEMA and DHS to respond. “I have determined that this incident is of such severity and magnitude that effective response is beyond the capabilities of the State and affected local governments, and that supplementary Federal assistance is necessary to save lives, protect property, public health, and safety, or to lessen or avert the threat of a disaster.” This was when it was still a category 3 hurricane.
The saddest thing about all of this is Michael Brown's bullshit comments that he wasn't advised until THURSDAY how bad the conditions were at the convention center and he had no idea of the violence in New Orleans. Apparently he doesn't own one of those new fangled things called a TV SET. Even the news anchor is like, "Sir, are you telling me you had no idea before today?"

The Daily Show always manages to make me laugh, even when they're dealing with sensitive subjects like Hurricane Katrina. Last night from Jon's interview with Rob Cordoury, who is covering the hurricane relief efforts live:
Jon: "Are you at the AstroDome or the SuperDome?"
Rob: "Actually, Jon, I'm at Giants Stadium."
Jon: "Why aren't you in New Orleans?"
Rob: "I'm scared, Jon."

Author Dr. Marc Siegel made a very profound observation on The Daily Show last night. He has a new book out entitled "False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear" in which he talks about--among other things--how politicians use fear to keep us in line. This is a book I'll be getting. When Jon Stewart asked him why he thought the people of Louisiana didn't leave their homes when they were told of the force of the hurricane, he replied that he thought they didn't believe the media reports, "They [the media] don't have a way to warn us effectively because they're scaring us silly about everything." And this is so true. In my little corner of the world, they are now calling 3 inches of snow a "winter storm." That's the most ridiculous bullshit. We never used to hear the words "winter storm" unless they were expecting more than 12 inches of snow.

An interesting thought occurred to me last night as I was watching Kathy Griffin's "Life on the D LIst." As you know, I like Kathy, but you'll notice that the main reason she gives for making fun of celebs like she does is because they're "shallow." They're shallow? Ok, Kathy is obsessed with having A-List house with which to impress the media, having the best dress and makeup at the Oscars and Grammys, getting the best interviewing gigs at both events and getting tons of free stuff anytime she can.
We're talking kiddie pool shallow.

Call me cynical but the ads for the Transporter look SO STUPID. As IF one guy is going to be able to do all those stunts and effectively disarm four and five guys at a time--several times--and drop onto a passing waverunner to catch the bad guys. Guh. I hate movies like that.

Kym writes: "is Off Perez gonna be on cops again. He's fine!"
LOL. Yeah you said that the first time around. Down, gurl. And yes, he's going to be on again, and hopefully he'll remember to let me know ahead of time so I can post it here. And I'll email you, too .

Our gas went down twenty cents to $2.99 a gallon. Probably means
they're going to raise it thirty cents. I better drive all my classic automobiles to the gas station
and get them filled up, starting with the Pinto.

About my explanation that shiny packages lure me in, Zal writes: " Now I know what to send ya for Christmas.
First I make a neon sparkly box, then go out to the lawn and...
Oops! Almost ruined the surprise!"
Oooo, a shiny present. I wonder what it will be. I'm guessing cake.
I can't help it. I'm a whore for
shiny stuff. Hell, if cocks were neon colored and glittery, there
would be no stopping me.

I spent about two hours yesterday afternoon dumping pics from the server that I don't need anymore and ugh I'm only half way finished. I also had to rename a bunch of emoticons so they're all in the same place in the webpics folder so if some of them are suddenly showing up as a broken link, that's why.

"If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
the Minnow would be lost; the Minnow would be lost."
Bob Denver, aka Gilligan, the famous castaway, has passed away at the age of 70.

Wow. I get all these great emails from people in Japan who just LOVE my site--hell a couple even asked me if I'd consider marriage--but alas, I don't type Japanese so I can't respond to their emails. [Somewhere there's a bunch (or maybe the same one over and over) of frustrated Japanese dudes, pissed cuz I'm not answering their emails.]
So Goddess, how do you konw what they're saying you ask?
A true appreciation for the arts transcends all language barriers, which is why they email me in the first place.
Well that and because they lust after my fine american ass.

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