Thursday, September 29, 2005

she's deviously dirty

Ahhh, seven days of bliss!! Let the fun begin!!

"How to butt fuck" was a google search string on my stats today. So let me tell ya
how to butt fuck. It all begins with a big ole bottle of Jack Daniels, and it all
ends with you waking up with a strange sheep in your bed---well not so strange anymore. And that, my friends, are the finer points of butt sex. Baaaaaaa.

There's a local restaurant that advertises using this slogan, "Feed your heart and your soul." Pfft. I go to Denny's to feed my soul because nothing says "you are in the flow of Life" like Moons Over My Hammy.

Walmart is selling Candyland for only $3.50 this week. Damn you, Walmart. You're creating an entirely new generation of Queen Frostine addicts!!

The city cops in my area are sponsoring a new educational program that is for the public. It's an attempt to better relations between the public and cops, and --HELLO!--I've been trying to better my relations with cops for EONS now. Anywho, they plan to teach the public about their jobs and even let them see a faux traffic stop. There's only one condition for the class--you have to live within the city limits. Does Goddess live within the city limits? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I was watching Mad TV yesterday afternoon, and they had "CLOPS," a claymation version of COPS and it was hysterical. They had the hand gestures and the pre-interviews down PERFECTLY.
First the CLOPS were called to GI Joe and Barbie's trailer, where Joe was drunk off his ass and Barbie was a screaming shrew with her hair in curlers.
Then they arrested Gumby, who was robbing a store. He was cursing and swearing at them the entire time and they laughingly informed him they were taking him to the "pokey."
But the funniest part was when the CLOPS pulled Santa and his elves over for a traffic violation. The CLOP tells Santa he wants to look in the trunk of his sleigh and he says,
"So if I open that trunk, I'm not going to find anything I don't like, right?"
I burst out laughing when he said that, because if you've EVER watched COPS, you know it was a perfect dead on imitation of the real cops. But when Santa replied, "Well, officer, it's my wife's sleigh," I was LMAO.
They opened the trunk and found packets of white stuff that Santa "claimed" was nothing more than snow from the North Pole. The CLOPS thought otherwise and they threw Santa down on the ground and cuffed him. Then the CLOP started reading Santa his rights, "You're under arrest.
You have the right to remain silent and you better not pout..."
If you haven't seen any of the CLOPS eps and IF YOU HAVE A CABLE/HS CONNECTION, (unlike moi) you can view some of the eps here....

I was watching The Young and the Restless on Thursday, and Victoria, who is 30ish, asks Brad, who is 40ish to come to her place because she has a new Coldplay CD and perhaps he'd like to listen to it with her. I'm like, "WTF??!" Inviting a guy over to listen to a record with you?
That's like grade school crap. What's she gonna do next?
Invite him over for S'mores and a pajama party?
Of course, the minute I heard the band, Coldplay, I IMMEDIATELY
thought of South. That's his all time favorite band. "Yellow" being his al time fav CP song.

I saw the live season opener of Will & Grace. Eh. It was ok. I was shocked to see how heavy Alex Baldwin is. He looks like he's a good 50 or 60 pounds heavier than normal.

I also watched "Everybody Hates Chris." It was funny in places, but not a laugh riot by any means. It's amazing, though, how adding music to a tv show makes it seem much better than it is. I was disappointed, though, I admit it. I guess I just expected better things. Chris Rock is hilarious, and this was far from hilarious.

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