Friday, September 16, 2005

i've got the power

DAMN IT!! I always miss the hot cops!! Last night there was a fire in the woods behind our house and Mr. G noticed it about dusk. He ran up through the woods to see what it was because there are businesses in that area, and he wasn't sure if they were back there burning. He yelled for me to call the fire company and he stayed there until they came. NATURALLY the cops came along with the fire truck. WHHAAAAAAAAA. And I missed them cuz I had to stay down at the house in case 911 called back while Mr. G stood up there and bullshitted with him! Sigh.

Phew! I was wrong. FX hasn't totally taken COPS from the schedule, but it's show times are suh-verely limited, thanks to That 70's Show reruns.

Just a word of warning. If you plan to buy the Heffalumps Halloween for your young children--I rented it for myself but hey, whatever slices your cheese--be forewarned: it's VERY SCARY.
I watched it the other night and I still have nightmares about it. Sure. You would think because it's Winnie the Pooh that it would be a fun movie, right? Wrong.
Here's why: Pooh ATE ALL THE CANDY!!!!!!!! That's right--THERE WAS NO CANDY!!!!Gawd, it gives me chills everytime I visualize him holding up that empty bucket of candy.

Wow. They had a story about my city on Yahoo a couple days ago.
Suffice it to say with everything going on in N.O. I knew it was coming. And that's all I'll be saying about that.

Sylvia Browne--da psychic--was on Montel Williams the other day, and I was watching her. First of all, every time I see Sylvia, I think if you were REALLY psychic, you'd know that blonde hair looks hideous. Of course, I have heard that Sylvia was the Patron Saint of Peroxide in a previous lifetime.
Secondly, people in the audience would stand up and say things like, "I'd like to know if my loved one has a message for me?" And Sylvia would pretend to be mentally dialing them up on her inner psychic hotline, then she'd say things like, "He wants you to know he's very happy." or "He's saying something about candles." or "He wants you to take care of your back."
Ok that last one was my favorite. The lady laughed and said, "Oh yeah he was always telling me that when he was alive." I thought, "Damn. If you only have one chance to contact your dead spouse, it would piss me off if Mr. G said something like "finish all those old eggs up before you eat the fresher ones!" or "stop leaving the hot water heater turned on," I'd kick his ass." I want answers to my questions. "Is Jesus as hot as He looks in His pics? And what's up with Mary? Has She lightened up at all since that whole getting lost in the Temple incident?"
But I do think it's really cool the way the dead people are just sitting around up there waiting for us--oh, I'm sorry "waiting for the PSYCHICS--to ask them for a message. James VanPragh was actually very good at this psychic stuff. If the dead person was say, oh I don't know DEAD and unavailable for comment, he'd say things like, "He sends you love. Love, love, love. He sends you love." Yeah, like a kindergarten kid couldn't come up with that.
BTW, that Mary and Joseph defense never works with mall cops. Once when I lost one or two or 13 of my offspring, I told the mall cop that I wasn't the only GOOD mom to lose her kids. Mary and Joseph lost Jesus because they thought He was with friends and relatives when really He was yakking it up in the Temple. And they didn't even find Him for THREE DAYS. It only took me a day and a half. So, don't fret Moms, losing your kids happens to the best of us.
(Us. Notice how I insinuate that I'm on par with Mary and Joseph in the parenting category?)

Why is it that old people feel like they can say whatever the hell they want and damn the consequences? Well, since you asked...it's because they know they don't have that long to live so it won't friggin matter if they piss people off. I was talking to my 89 year old uncle at "the home," and in the course of the conversation, he said, "I don't like the black people."
The. black. people. That turn of phrase slays me everytime I hear it. It just sounds so damn comical.
Normally I just ignore this sort of stupidity, but I had PMS and so I couldn't possibly let it pass.
(I couldn't !!)
I said, "Well you're in luck. I talked to the black people just yesterday and they said they don't like you either."

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