Thursday, September 01, 2005

i feel like i'm naked in front of a crowd

Before I begin with my drivel for the day, I want to say one thing. You know that warning on the side of a can of Pam cooking oil spray that says "do not spray near heat or an open flame"? Well it's on the can for a reason, people, and if I wasn't so busy drawing on some eyebrows, I'd tell you what that reason is.

Ok, Wendy make sure you read the following....
Babe2OfficerPerez J sends this email, the subject line of which reads "Would Wendy like a better picture of Officer Perez" : "Dearest Goddess, So, although I’m not sure what Wendy, or her cute cop looks like, I do know what Officer Perez looks like with full frontal nudity. How have I been so lucky you ask? Oh, calm down, I’m his girlfriend. J We checked out your site last night before we went to dinner and thought it was hilarious! Then I checked it out tonight, while he’s working, and saw the whole thing with Wendy and what not. Anyhooo, he’s a cutie for sure and I’ve been telling him that for a long time now, but to have you reinforce it is AWESOME! J Thanks for just sayin’ what I’ve been sayin’ all along. We’ll try to let you know when he’ going to be on COPS again; the film crew rode with him for a couple months and I know they have him in other episodes. Take care and keep writing all that hilariously, witty, stuff."
Ok first of all, FORGET Wendy!! *I* would like a better picture of Officer Perez. (Sorry, Wendy, but when I have to pick between a chick or a cop, the chick will be rollin' to da curb every time.) If you feel you MUST send me a picture with full frontal nudity, I'll try not to be I'm uploading it to be my computer wallpaper.
I have it on good authority that the reason Officer Perezzzzz gf emailed me and not Officer Perez is because she's strictly forbidden him to email me. With a screen name like Goddess of the Universe she knows I'd be competition. Oh yeah, baby, you take away the buck teeth, the bow legs, the hump back and the lisp and I am a friggin' Pussycat Doll.
[Ok again, maybe I made that up to add drama to the site.
The site. It's all about the site!!
Hell, I'd sell my mother if I thought I could get a good story for the site out of it.]
As you recall, though, Officer Perez was the hottie who tackled that drugged out chick to the ground. So now I'm wondering if he ever uses that move in the bedroom. I mean think about it. "Honey, wanna have sex?"
"Nah, I think I feel a headac--" BOOM!! She's flat out on the carpet
on her stomach, and oddly enough in the
perfect position for hot sex.
Hell, if I wasn't so afraid that once I got down on the ground I wouldn't
be able to get back up, I'd have Mr. G do that move on me tonight.

And while we're on the subject of chicks who say they have headaches to avoid sex, I think they truly have to be having BAD sex. I have never used that excuse. And I've never withheld sex cuz I'm mad. That would be like cutting off my nose to spite my face. Just because I'm pissed that doesn't mean I won't enjoy the screaming O. I could see giving up cleaning the toilet for a week, but sex? No way.

C.P. accused me of "driving like a maniac" through the school zone yesterday, and that is simply not true. BTW, C.P., every time you grab the dashboard, I'd like to SLAP YOU. I consider myself to be a good American citizen, and that means as long as the cop is not sitting near the school, it's perfectly acceptable to drive 20-25 mph through the school zone. 35 mph if you think it's foggy enough that he won't be able to catch you should he be hiding somewhere along the school road.
NOT ONLY do I drive 15 mph through the school zones, I actually drive 13 mph...........until I pass the cop, then I open 'er up. Well, as much as you can "open up" a Korean made car.
Now let us never speak of this again.

I saw an ad in the paper for a $400 Chihuahua pup. Puhleeze. If I'm shelling out that much money for a pooch, I want a big, freakin' dog that can do my yard work.

Concerning my question about people living in the path of a hurricane not evacuating, Mike South writes:
"Here is why some people choose to ride it out
I f they DO evacuate
Their property will be looted.
The police/national guard will block them from going back to their home
when the storm has passed until such time as the gubment says it's ok
for em to go back....Gotta wait for the looters to finish I guess...
they wont likely find a hotel specially if they have pets
they may ride it out in bumper to bumper traffic in their cars anyway

I totally understand people staying and riding it out...don't know what
I would do in that situation...I haven't been in it and God forbid I ever
I can honestly say that I don't know what I'd do either. I saw one guy on the news today who was sitting on the roof of his house just feet from the rising water. The rescue boat came by and the guy yelled, "Come on. We'll help you," and he's like, "No, that's ok. I'm going to stay here." The minute I saw that I thought, "THAT would be me." Especially now that I see they're moving some of the people to Texas. It would be traumatic enough for me to lose my home, but to have to go to a totally different state for what might be two or three months would be my personal version of HELL. I remember when we had a flood in my city, nowhere near as devestating, but it was awful. We had 11.82 inches of rainfall in 10 hours. People lost their homes, 74 people died and the collective depression of the people was so intense that it was a palpable thing. . The place where I was working at the time had the first floor totally destroyed, so I helped out with the clean up. All I could think about was getting back to the safety and security of my own home, which thankfully, wasn't touched.

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