The Steelers played a 4:15 game on Sunday afternoon. I came home from work at 5:45 to find Mr. G standing on the front porch to greet me. I thought that was so sweet of him to let me know he missed me.
Then he said, "Honey, it's half time. Let the tradition continue!"
Yeah, he missed me. Me and my cocksucking lips.
Sigh. C.P. told me he typed the words "how to use sarcasm in writing" in the ask jeeves search engine and my site came up #5 out of a possible 308,000+ hits. Well fine. I'm just gonna head over to that site and ask jeeves why C.P. is such an ass. Brrrrray.
Whatever. Jesus loves me and His opinion is all I care about.
Well, His opinion and the opinion of hot(t) cops everywhere.
(Take THAT, C.P.!!)
I was flipping channels today and saw a few minutes of Martha Stewarts new a.m. talk show. The audience was comprised of 900 women and two guys who, I can only assume, lost some sort of bet with their wives.
Anywho, Martha had Mario Whatshisname from Sex in the City and he has a tendency to yell when he gets all excited. Halfway through their little interview, Martha says, "And did you yell at home?"
Poor Mario was suitably chastised and didn't yell anymore and I turned the channel because yelling is what makes him funny, damn it. Martha should have been a friggin' nun.
The only thing that was missing was rapping the ruler across Mario's knuckles.
BUT I do have to tell you that Martha started out the show demonstrating FOLDING TECHNIQUES!!
And not just t shirt folding techniques, but pants AND fitted sheets! WOW!!!
Does it GET more exciting than that?!
I was reading an interview with a doctor who is new to our region. He's of Indian descent and for some reason all the Indian doctors seem to migrate to OUR teeny weeny PA town. Don't ask me why they come all the way from Dehli, India to this particular spot on the map, but I can only assume it has something to do with our lack of ability to check out their references properly.
I SWEAR the criteria for each medical job in our area hospital is the same: "must be
able to mangle the English language and bitterly confuse patients."
NuIndian doctor says that he was a surgeon, until he "realized" psychiatry was his "true calling."
You know what that means, right?
That means so many people died on the operating table in India that he couldn't afford
his malpractice insurance so he buried himself in some backwater PA town.
Welcome to my world.
Felipe sent me an email entitled, "Goddess, lose weight quickly."
I sent Felipe an email entitled, "Felipe, shove it up your ass.
And STOP JUDGING ME!!"
Never let it be said that old age is screwing with Rod Stewart's sense of good taste. In an interview in Sunday's newspaper, they asked Rod, "what makes you really angry?"
His response: "My five children whom I love very much make me crazy."
[Notice how he was careful to get that love disclaimer in there?? That's cuz he's getting old enough that he has to worry about said children slapping him in a home.]
"....my daughter Ruby who is 18 is staying with me, but she's letting her dog poop everywhere and that makes me really angry."
Oh puhleeze. He's so damn rich he could clean that poop up with his money and never miss it. [The money, not the poop.]
But I say to you this day, Mr. Stewart, when your small offspring walk around the house, ripping off their diaper and pooping on your couch because their older siblings taught them that it was "funny,"
then we'll FUCKING TALK!!!!
And now, for no reason whatsoever, my webPIMP's url.