Monday, August 01, 2005

we can't even think of a word that rhymes

Awwww, August. Truly my favorite time of year. Not only does it
herald the beginning of fall--the
most wonderful season of all--but its BACK TO SCHOOL month!!
What's not to LOVE about that?!
Now that I've written this I feel that I need to clarify the comment that August heralds "the beginning of fall" because I know sure as I'm sitting here eating a piece of red velvet cake and wondering if Crickett has gone to the House of Pies yet, somebody is going to email me and say, "Goddess, the first day of fall is in September!" Yeah, I know. But to me, Spring starts in April and ends in May, summer starts in June and ends in July and fall starts in August and ends in September, sometimes November, God willing.
The rest of the months are ALL winter months.
Or at least it feels that way when you're shoveling three feet of snow.

I was telling an online friend about my best friend David and how he laughs at me because I lock my doors at night. He NEVER locks his doors, which is why I'm not saying where he lives. I don't want anybody murdering him. One time when I was yelling at him for sleeping with his doors
unlocked, he said, "Who's gonna come out HERE?!"
I said, "DUH! Drifter murderers!! Don't you read?!"
I could NEVER sleep peacefully knowing my doors were unlocked.
Hell, I can barely sleep peacefully with them deadbolted.
And chained. And with the alarm set. Yep, my trailer is the only one
with a fancy schmancy burgular alarm system. Hey, I don't want anybody
stealing my Avon bottle collection or my Connie Francis' records!!
"Lipstick on your collar gonna tell on you, lipstick on your collar said you were untrue,
bet your bottom dollar you and I are through, lipstick on your collar gonna tell on you."
I really DO know all the words to that. And V*A*C*A*T*I*O*N.
I used to sing them all the time, practicing for my big moment.....as a writer. Oy.
My priorities might have been a *bit* skewed.

Speaking of great songs--well I WAS--I wish they'd bring back "School's Out," by Alice Cooper. (And I hope, hope, HOPE Staples is smart enough to bring back the School's Out tv ads featuring Alice.)
BUT only Alice's version will suffice, I don't want a new techno version. I don't think anybody else can do that song justice. I heard it on the way to work yesterday morning. Really made me nostalgic for Clearasil, my thick brown rimmed glasses and the ass kickings the popular girls used to lay on me. Ahh, the good old days.

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