Thursday, August 11, 2005

turning saints into the seas

I've thought long and hard about this whole cops controversy (gawd, I heart drama)
and I've decided to take your words to heart......and write for MYSELF.
SCREW changing for other people!!! Total anarchy and all that crap.
That being the case, WARNING: COPS reference ahead!!
I'd like to see COPS film in more small town settings, like my own, but I don't think anything exciting happens here. Like yesterday morning, at 4 am the cop was outside the bank near the soda machines trying to decide between Coke or Pepsi.
And while it WAS thrilling to watch tight pants stretching over even
tighter ass when he him bent over to get the
can and retrieve his change from the slot, I don't think that
would transfer well to a COPS segment. Damn well made my day though.
ALTHOUGH: "COPS in Tight Pants", Vol 3 has a good ring to it, doesn't it?
BTW, he chose Coke. Regular. The suspense pert ner killed me.

Well, yesterday was "thee day."
Yep, did the Mom thing and took the offspring shopping for school supplies.
It's always a joy to spend time with the children.
Ok ok, I gave them each $20 and a bus schedule, and dropped
them off at Dollar Bargain, then swung by the liquor store.
11 of them made it home ok. Male Offspring #4 ended up in Cawker City, Kansas
to have his picture taken in front of
the world's largest ball of sisal twine--now in it's 50th year and STILL GROWING!
What can I say? He's always been a big twine freak. There's one in every family.
And yet another offspring is still standing in
the stationery aisle at Dollar Bargain trying to decide between the SpongeBob Square
Pants folder or the Lindsay Lohan folder. Puberty is a bitch isn't it?
Male Offspring #2 was the ONLY ONE bought school supplies. Most of them spent their money on video games, Male Offspring #4 spent his on a one way bus ticket to Kansas and right now he's trying to figure out how to use that to get back home--hey, nobody ever said he was the brightest Crayola in the box. And I was super pissed at Male Offspring #1, who spent his money on a can of kerosene,
matches and the book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Arson.
I said, "Now what are you going to do for school supplies, smart guy??"
At which point he turned, punched Male Offspring #2, and took all of his school supplies.
Damn, he's a quick thinker.

One of Female Offspring # 7's friends told her that her mother reads to
her every night during "mother/daughter quality time".
(I just hate these overachiever parents. If she spent her time drinking and smoking like the
rest of us, we'd all be much better off. And why can't these mothers ever learn from me? Why must I constantly be adopting THEIR bad habits?? Gawd, isn't it Queen
Oprah who says a mother needs to learn to put herself FIRST?! There ya go.)
Well it made me feel kind bad....
when I realized that this "mother/daughter quality time" was now
going to cut in on my drinking and smoking!!
So last night I pulled FO #7 into bed with me last night, cuddled up and read her a
chapter of "The Essential Writer's Companion."
Then we had a lively discussion on subordinate clauses.
I feel so much more June Cleaver-ish now.

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