Wednesday, August 17, 2005

picture this we were both buck naked bangin' on the bathroom floor

I saw the scariest sight yesterday on my way to work. I pass one of the major hospitals in the city and as I was passing the entrance, there was an elderly gentleman getting out of a Caravan. He was fairly feeble and shaky, and needed two burly dudes to help him out of the vehicle. Why do I find this scary?
Because HE WAS THE DRIVER of the Caravan!!

I started watching a movie the other day. One of those evil movies that I HATE to watch. It was called, 'The Neighbor,' and this icky guy lived next door to a couple that just moved into the neighborhood. The wife was pregnant and apparently reminded the old dude of his dead wife. I don't know if he killed her, too, or what the story was. (I should really write movie reviews, don't cha think? I'm so informed.) Anywho, by some way I didn't catch, (I really SHOULD be a reviewer!)
he pretended to be her OB/GYN when she came into get a sonagram. So he shows her the picture of the baby, but you can tell he's all sinister weird and stuff. Then he takes out this huge ass needle and tells her he's going to perform an amnio. She's like, "Whoa. Isn't that supposed to be done much later in the pregnancy?" And he's all, "Now don't worry. It'll be fine." He turns the monitor away from her so she can't see and he starts to put the needle in her stomach aiming it right at her baby's HEART. All the while he's going, "That's good. Very good." My stomach was clenching and a voice in my head said, "Gurl, why the HELL watching this?!" (Apparently one of the voices inside my head belongs to a black chick.) "You know this kind of shit makes you scared spitless!"
I could see the needle getting closer and closer to the baby. He took one jab and I could see the baby spasm, and I was getting nauseous at that point. How could anybody hurt an innocent baby?! It was too gross.
Then another voice in my head said, "And yet you juuuuuuust keep watching, ya dumbass!" Finally I yelled, "Shut up both of you! I'm trying to make myself sick watching something I have no business watching! And doing a fine job I might add!" GUH.
I kept thinking about that gross scene ALL DAY yesterday. And apparently I'm still thinking about it today. Sigh.

I tried to talk to Male Offspring #1 about attending college, but he's decided to attend "the School of Life." Any guesses as to how long it takes him to flunk out there, too? It's really difficult to get your offspring into a good school when his favorite activity is "setting fires. BIG fires."
He said he wanted to, "experience everything there is to experience in the whole wide world."
I think that's code for: laying on his ass watching cartoons all day.

I'm reading a book that instantly made me think of Zal. It's called Brazen by Carly Phillips. The heroine is a formerly rich chick who is marrying a stuck up, boring, rich dude to help her father's fledgling business interests. She takes off one week before the wedding to have a fling with a sexy stranger and winds up in a small town. She falls for the bartender, who is really a rich dude, subbing for a friend. It's very good, but the hero in the book just reminds me of Zal for some reason. And no, it's not because he's a bartender, too. It's about the way the guy acts.

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