Monday, August 15, 2005

how to be insensitive

(12 a.m.) Something I forgot to mention about Real L.A.P.D....some of these young cops need to learn to have a little respect for the elderly people they deal with. One said, "Hey, Pops, how long you been smoking marijuana?" Oy. The WORST was the cop who said, "I found two crack rocks on the old timer with the limp."

I was coming out of the shopping center with my gf Sunday afternoon and she's like, "Oh! Look! I found a penny. That means somebody in Heaven is thinking of me!"
I said, "Really? I thought it meant somebody else lost a penny..."

Oooh, I am sooooo PISSED at my neighbor's 7 year old kid. I'm on the way home from work yesterday and she calls over to me, "I have Mr. Jolly's Chocolate Factory. Wanna see?"
Do I wanna see? Does a drunk like alcohol? So I hotfooted it over there, only to find out that it was this.
DO YOU PEOPLE SEE CHOCOLATE ANYWHERE?! That's it!
The next time I see her tricycle laying in the middle of the road, I'm running right over it!
Gawd, I just hope it doesn't bend the frame of my Kia.

I took a quiz in a magazine, "What Career Are You Best Suited For?" Guess what career I was best suited for? Besides crack whore, I mean. A WRITER. Der. Where have you people been the last four and a half years?

Well, now I've seen it all. Amber Frey wants to give women advice about how they can bounce back from tough times. She even spoke in front of a small group who paid her. Yeah, let's think about this. Do we really want to be taking advice from a chick who slept with a complete stranger the very first night she met him? Advice from a woman who left her small child in a complete stranger's care the second day of their meeting? Oh that's right. She had already slept with him at that point, so I guess she figured she knew him rather well.
No thanks. I'll bumble through life taking a chance on my own intuition. Im kinda curious though as to what advice she'd really give about "bouncing back from tough times. Color me cynical, but I'm thinking get a makeover, be on Oprah and pimp a book about your tough times must be in there somewhere.

I was paging through the Enquirer yesterday in the checkout line and they have this column "by" Anna Nicole. They don't SAY that it's written by her--that would no doubt be a lie--but they insinuate it is by the way it's written. That chick can't even string two coherent sentences together most times, so I'm finding it really difficult to believe she writes a weekly column that's AT LEAST eight paragraphs long. One column would tax her fried brain for a year or more.

I also read that Jennifer Wilbanks--the runaway bride chick--dumped two previous fiances via phone--her current one is probably wishing she did the same. She has also been arrested for shoplifting three times. Jennifer would be dumb to let him slip through her fingers. How often do ya find a guy so gullible that he's still willing to marry you after you made an ass out of him for all the world to see?

There was a woman in Rio de Janeiro who was shot during her own funeral. A gunfight broke out between drug dealers across the street from the cemetery where the woman was being buried and one bullet penetrated the casket and lodged in the woman's pelvis. Of the incident, her sister said, "This is just too sad. To get shot after death is horrible." Hmmm, I tend to disagree. To get shot BEFORE death would be horrible. Once you're dead, it's pretty much a moot point.

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