Thursday, August 25, 2005

bonnie l why you wanna give me the run around

Once again, my email is ginky. I haven't gotten any LJ email for two days now. If you've sent me an email and haven't gotten a response---because I ALWAYS respond, even if it's it just to tell you to kiss my ass--please resend to imagoddessru at . I'm not sure if it's all my twog mail or just LJ that's ginky, so this way I'll know for sure.

A young girl was returned to her home in Pittsburgh after being missing for a few days. They showed her father on tv asking for her safe return, and he said, "I don't care how you do it just bring my kid back." And now that she's home safely I just had to giggle over his choice of words.
I could only imagine how I'd feel if one of my 16 offspring disappeared. I'd be on tv begging........for free cake so I could console myself in their absence. Of course, I wouldn't do the uglee cry on camera cause that would make snot come out of my nose. Damned if I want snot coming out of my nose during my tv debut. I mean, during my "impassioned plea".
I'd be all, "Please return little....little..."
**off camera** Wait a minute, which offspring did they take again? Oh, Male Offspring #5. Is he the one that sets fires cuz if he is I'd be better without--oh, he isn't? He's not twine boy, is he? Cuz he does a good bit of my laundry. Male Offspring #5...I just can't place which one he is. Oooooh YEAH, he's the Jesus Freak. He's forever walking around quoting the Bible and trying to convert people.
**Turning back to the camera**,"Ya know, I've been thinking about this and I've often heard that if you love something set it I'm setting Male Offspring #5 free."

Well my chiropractor dumped me. Oh schure he SAID it was because he was moving to a new office, but I can see what's really going on. Goddess can read between the lines!!
(It's the actual lines that give me problems...)
It's over between us. I don' t even CARE if he sends me one of those "I've moved!
Come see me at my new location!" postcards. SCREW. HIM.
I gave him the best years of my spine and neck and this is how he repays me.
Crush. OVER.

It seemed to me that I was buying an enormous amount of dental floss lately, but every time I turned around we were fresh out. Imagine my surprise when I went to the shed (we don't call them 'garden sheds' in PA unlesss you actually have a garden) and discovered a HUGE BALL OF DENTAL FLOSS.
(Mostly used. Brrrrrrrr.)
Didn't take me long to figure out that it was Male Offspring #4's salute
to the Big Ball O'Twine in Cawker City, Kansas. When I confronted him, he told me it was his dream to make an even BIGGER ball o' dental floss. Who am I to stomp on his dreams?
Wait a minute, I'm his mother, damn it. Who BETTER to crush his hopes than I?
But ya know, the more I think about it, I'll bet if we hosed this sucker off, we could re-use all this floss.

I read that Mohamed al Fayed will soon have a bronze statue of Princess
Di and his son Dodi in his Harrod's Department store in London.
Hmm, I've never seen a chick yet who looked good in bronze. Guys, yes. But chicks just look strange.

I just KNOW Trailer Queen won big at the races, but Zal refuses to tell me. (And if she didn't win, I just KNOW Burning Affair did. She wouldn't let me down. Not with a name like that.)
He says I have to WAIT like everyone else for the story. Like I'm common folk, like the rest of you are. HA!
Great, but Zal is like two days behind in his stories. Hell, I could be using those winnings to buy myself a damn laptop. He's probably not posting about it cuz he's on his way to da Bahamas mon with my loot.

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