Sunday, July 03, 2005

the woman was born to lie makes promises she can't keep in the blink of an eye

I received a spam email from a guy named Kyle. The subject line was "my boyfriend
isn't impotent anymore." I'll sleep so much better tonight knowing Kyle can still bend over
and take it up the ass like a man....

I saw one of THE DUMBEST MOVIES EVER today and of course, it was on Lifetime.
It was called Steve & Clare & Eric & Ami. I swear to God this piece o'crap had to have been written by a couple of drunken frat boys, and I'll explain why in a moment. The "logic" of the entire movie escaped me. Steve and Eric are bored with their lives and their careers so they do the one thing guys always do when bored: swap wives. Oy. Claire is in almost right away, but Ami takes some convincing. Her creep of a husband tells her he might be more willing to have kids (something she really wants) IF she does this. To which I say:
(Reason #1 I think this movie was written by sumdumguy. And if I find out this was written by a married woman, well,
she'll need to be dragged out and SHOT.)
Finally they all agree to do it. Ami and Clare's husband do the deed...they have wild monkey sex. But Ami's husband can't do it at the very last minute. He backs out on his date with Clare saying that he loves Ami too much and there's no way SHE'D go through with it anyway. Surprise, surprise. She did and he wasn't happy, despite the fact that they all agreed beforehand not to ask questions and just do the deed. So Eric can't eat and he can't work and he definitely can't sleep with Ami any more. He's too jealous. SO Ami decides there's only one way they can deal with this situation: Eric MUST sleep with Clare. Now here's Reason #2 why I think this movie was written by sumdumguy. This amazingly stupid line from the movie. Ami tells Eric that he MUST go upstairs and sleep with Clare to make things right. She says, AND I QUOTE, "If you love me, you'll march right up those stairs." Yeah, uh huh. In some guy's wet dream maybe. Eric, of course, climbs the stairs like he's taking his last steps on Death Row, despite the fact that he's super nerdy and Clare is hot. Ok, so those two twits do the deed and at the end of the movie--it's just the next day actually--Clare and her husband are moving away. Eric and Ami say goodbye to them then get into the car where Eric smiles and tells Ami that he wants to go down to the motorcycle shop...to buy a leather jacket for a baby. And Ami is all happy and awww'ing like she's on crack. Moral of the story: "If you're bored with your marriage, swap. It'll make things all better."
The worst part is that I WILL NEVER GET THOSE TWO MISERABLE HOURS BACK!!

I heard a radio commercial about anxiety today on the way to work. The announcer talked about how anxious people are always nervous and depressed, then said, "This isn't you. You used to be so happy." And I thought, "No, no. This IS me, thanks."

C.P. said he got quite a kick out of my "see? I really DO own a Kia" comment that
ran along with Holly's pic the other day. He said he's sure people knew I really did own a Kia, cuz it's not something people BRAG about. He informed me that contrary to what I might believe, owning a Kia is not like owning a Caddy.
Ar. Ar. Ar.

So Maxxx Beaver was telling me about his bronchitis. I told him to drink plenty of ice water. Then I said, "ice water will bring all that gunk up and out and SPIT IT OUT.
don't swallow it like so many people!"
then I added, " lol...thats the ONLY TIME you'll ever hear ME give that advice."

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