Sunday, July 31, 2005

don't tell me you adore me cuz all you're thinkin 'bout is fucking me

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You guys have well and truly made this my BEST MONTH EVER
since starting my web site lo' so many years ago. Now just one thing.
If I log onto my stats at the end of August and the
totals are LESS than July's, I will personally hunt everyone of you
down like dawgs!!

It never fails. I'm flipping channels on Saturday afternoon and I catch about five minutes of that trainwreck known as Being Bobby Brown. Bobby is at a bar talking to another patron and the guy says, "Who are you? I know I should know you, but I don't." Bobby says, "I'm Bobby Brown." Doesn't ring a bell. "I wrote "My Perogative"...blah blah other songs he wrote. " Nope. Still drawing a blank. "I married Whitney Houston." And the guy immediately says, "Oooh now I know who you are!" Why doesn't the boy just have a t shirt made and save himself the trouble...and the shame.
I certainly hope Bobby doesn't have any more kids. He's got a girl named Bobbi and a son named Bobby. Apparently he's got a George Foreman complex goin' on.

Talking to Crickett about this whole House of Pies thing has me thinking about one dessert that I don't understand--or LIKE-- if you can believe that there's actually a dessert I don't like. Some pizza places around here take a pizza pie crust, then add apples, sugar and cinnamon or cherry pie filling, so it's like a fruit pizza. So it is good for you or not?! I don't have time for that bullshit. If I'm going to eat pizza,
it's going to be the kind that is gooey with cheese and the kind that clogs my arteries but good!

I never fail to lose it when I'm watching the South Park movie and they play "Uncle Fucker."
I LOVE the part where the chick says, "What garbage!"
And the guy says, "Well what do you expect? They're Canadian."

There was a 12 year old girl in Utah who narrowly escaped being kidnapped this week. She was VERY mature for her age. I saw her on CNN and she said that she remembered all the recent kidnapping stories that turned out badly and she fought back because she had "dreams I want to fulfill." She said she kept screaming and hitting and kicking the guy and finally he pulled over and told her to get out of the car. This is EXACTLY why my offspring are never kidnapped. If they were, the car would pick them up, drive two feet, then kick their asses to the curb. My offspring have what's called a high "irritability factor." That's the amount of time it takes for them to royally piss people off multiplied by the number of people they've royally pissed off. On a scale of 1-100, 1 being the lowest , 100 being the highest, all my offspring scored a 200.
What I did find rather weird about the kidnapping story was that the family requested CNN not use their last name. Then it showed the girl along with her entire family at a news conference.
Yep, nothing like maintaining your anonymity.

I saw a commercial for Urine Gone and it said, "If you order now, we'll send you enough Urine Gone to clean your entire house for only $19.99." I'm thinking, ya know, if your entire house smells like urine I would HOPE you'd do something to eradicate the smell other than sit back and wait for this stuff to arrive in the mail.

I read that Bush's approval rating has dropped to an all time low of 44%. What does
he care? Not like he's coming back for another term. And even if the country felt he was sooooo bad, they wouldn't impeach him because first the gubment would have to have a committee
study whether or not he should be impeached.
Then they'd have the impeachment hearings. Hell by that time he'd be long gone from office.

I love that commercial promoting the V Chip. It shows a mother locking out certain channels on her tv, then she's in the car driving to work, looking all happy because her kids are "safe" from the evils of seeing naked people. Oh puhleeze. Five seconds after she's out of the house,
the kids have probably figured out hot to override her lockout.

Hot damn it, I'm beginning to think everybody in the entire world (and out of it) DOES have high speed except for me. I heard on the news that one of the astronauts was emailing his daughter from aboard the space shuttle Discovery.

Sharon writes: "Goddess, you can't drive to Iraq. It's in the Middle East."
Sharon, Sharon, Sharon, once again I am APPALLED by the lack of geographic skills
my readers have (barely) achieved. You most certainly CAN drive to Iraq. You simply drive to Amman, make a sharp right (Or left, depending on which direction you're coming from) and you. are. there.

Hmm, while we're on the subject of the United Arab Emirates, I wonder what life for women is like there. Maybe one of my faithful UAE readers can email me and tell me.
If you won't get your hands chop ...chop...that is.

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