Tuesday, July 12, 2005

dont look now theres a monkey on your back

Well, NOW I don't feel like the only computer idiot on the planet
trying to feel my way around learning new techniques like
linking in LJ and Blogger.
Yesterday I received a spam email
entitled "firstname, I have a new job for you."
If you're gonna clog my inbox with useless crap,
at least get my fake first name right.

Mike, Foster, Co-founder of the xxxchurch, said he was in the shower when he
heard the voice of God say `porn.' One time I was in the shower and I could have sworn I heard the voice of God telling ME 'porn.' Turns out He actually said 'bjorn,' as in Bjorn Ulvaeus from the group Abba, but I didn't know that until AFTER I amassed a huge John Leslie porn stash to please God. What He really wanted was for me to buy Abba records. Makes perfect sense when ya think about it. God being a big Abba fan and all.
God=Father=Abba=Dancing Queen. Damn. I should have seen the signs.

Instead of all these insipid reality shows where fame is the ultimate goal, I think some company should sponsor a show for teens in which the winner receives an all expenses paid scholarship to the college of their choice. Maybe advertisers could start INSPIRING PEOPLE TO DO THEIR BEST instead of ENCOURAGING THEM TO ACT LIKE ASSHOLES.

"Mary! Half Pint! DOC BAKER DIED!!"
Nooooo!! Kevin Hagen, the dude who played Doc Baker on Little House
on the Prairie passed away at the age of 77. To be perfectly honest,
I thought he was in his 70's when he was on the show! Yikes!

A 63 year old grandma in Berlin is going to retire on her next birthday. Her job? She's a 'ho. A skank. A 'tute. She charges $36 a night and on a "good night" she has four or five johns. She said she's retiring because she's being chased away by younger "competitors." Uh huh, schure, grandma, that's what they are. Competition. Dream on.
I was really shocked to read this story. What a slacker.
My grandma worked as a 'tute till she was 73, just like her mama before her.
She lived to work, and never missed a day of work in her life either. Course she died penniless, but that's another story for another day...

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