Wednesday, July 20, 2005

do you ever wonder why your imaginary friend committed suicide

I think this is probably the first time this has ever happened to me, but I totally FORGOT to write my update last night. I always like to have it written the night before, even if I don't post it till the next day. But alas, work screws with my head, and it wasn't until I was crawling into bed last night that I realized I hadn't written any of it. I immediately thought, "Should I get up and write it now?" And that was immediately followed by "Screw that. Not like I'm getting paid." Oh well. That means I'll be writing TWO updates tonight. Luckily, I'm in a gabby mood.

Ok that new Snickers commercial just doesn't do it for me. It shows a bunch of hunters tossing Snicker bars at a deer. Then it says, "Snickers. It's only satisfying if you eat it." Not funny. Even the damn deer looks perplexed.

Here's some interesting news. My niece done gone and got herself a boyfriend. And he's African American. I come from one of those typical Catholic families who thinks its perfectly fine to run everybody down based on their nationality, all the while saying "we're all God's children." I FEEL for my niece, I really do. She's a wonderful person and she deserves this happiness. Sadly, she hasn't learned that there are some things you don't share with your family if you want to preserve your own peace of mind.
The hysterical thing was when she asked me if I thought she should just take him to meet my mother WITHOUT telling her he's black ahead of time. I said, "No, don't tell her. The heart attack will do her a world of good. She'll have plenty of time to rest and contemplate life during her lengthy hospital stay." GUH. Could she have come UP with a worse plan?! She said (in all seriousness), "I think Grandma will like him." Sigh. I love my niece dearly, but if she ain't tap dancing on the corner of jackass alley and naive street with that thought, I don't know who is.

Have you seen the latest gimmick the car manufacturers are using to lure in buyers? They're saying the consumer will pay the same price as the car manufacturer's employees, that we'll get their employee discount. It appears to be working as *NEWSFLASH* Americans are easily suckered. Anywho, it occurred to me that Kia couldn't offer the same deal. If we paid what the poor, downtrodden Korean factory workers pay for THEIR Kias--ASSuming they're dumb enough to buy them, that is--it would be the American equivalent of about $39.99.

I was watching Third Watch the other day--yeah, I'm hooked again now that it's on in the afternoons. Anywho, Sully married a chick who turned out to be in the Russian Mafia. At this point, he'd been married to her for a few months--five or six at least, would be my humble guess. Sully had no idea she was in the Russian mafia when he married her, but now he has concerns about her honesty, so he runs a fingerprint ID on her. A detective is pissed when he finds out what Sully did because he said he's been working on her case for "a long time now" and he's close to closing in on her. He knows that she's been spotted in the company of the mafia leader as recently as "two weeks ago." Yet when Sully tells the detective he's married to her, a cop in the same precinct as the detective, it comes as a total surprise. Must have gone to the soap opera school of detective-osity.

I see the Senate is trying to extend daylight savings an extra 2 months to allow consumers to save on energy costs. Hey, here's a great way for consumers to save on energy costs: lower the fucking price of gas.

Kellee writes: "Goddess, saying your children are making smores using a cigarette lighter is NOT funny. They are dangerous!!!"
Hell, I know my offspring are dangerous, Kellee, I don't need you reminding me. Do I feel suitably chastised by your letter, though? You bet I do.
Ok, gotta go. The offspring are making kabobs using a blow torch and knitting needles and I'm first in line for the pineappple/ham combo.

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