Thursday, June 23, 2005

sorry but i gotta move on with my life

(Is it my imagination or do I say this every week?)

Damn it! I SWEAR Holly is part Lab/part woodchuck. Grrrrrr.

Wow. I found an old diary I kept when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I can't believe how exciting my life was back then. Here's a few entries:
"January 15th. Dear Diary. I HATE my mother and father!! They don't understand me. When I marry Chad Everett and have his babies, I'll move far far away to Hollywood to live with him and I won't have to DEAL with my parents anymore! Life will be so fun being Mrs. Chad Everett! I can't wait."

"March 1st Dear Diary. I still have heard back from Chad. I know he's gotten my letters. His current wife is probably giving him a hassle over the divorce. I will wait for him FOREVER!!"

"March 2nd. Dear Diary. I'm sick of waiting for Chad. Last night I wrote to Bobby Sherman. I love him. I want to marry him and have his babies." See? Even at the tender age of ten I was smart enough to hedge my bets.
Here's yet another entry:
"March 3rd. Dear Diary, No word from Chad OR Bobby. Don't they know how much I love them?! How I would die for them?! I think I'll write to David Cassidy. I love him and want to have his babies."

Hmm, thank God I've changed from my younger days. Otherwise, I would have ended up all alone with a ton of different babies to a
ton of different men--umm, never mind.

I love the way news reporters play up the drama. Jane Pauley was interviewing a man and woman who had been kidnapped in Iraq, then released five days later. She was saying that before they were released, the Emir promised them he would not kill them but that they had to stay in captivity one more night because the Americans were closing the road they would need to travel on. That evening, American soldiers attacked the place they were staying and the Emir was killed. Jane Pauley said, "Did his promise to not kill them die along with him? We'll find out next." Um, HELLO? Obviously not since they're sitting on the stage right next to you!!!

I was thinking today about the girl that was missing in Aruba while on a high school graduation trip. Actually I was thinking about the trip itself. What kind of school can afford to send the kids to ARUBA for their school trip? When I graduated from high school our senior class trip was to the local Dairy Queen. And even then we were only allowed to go IF we could afferd to pay for our own damn Dilly Bars.

I didn't get to see COPS last night, but I'm guessing
the Coco the Clown ep ran. I can
always tell when that ep is on because I have all
sorts of search strings on my stats page concerning Coco.

I see EPT is coming out with a new pregnancy kit that is more definitive in it's responses. Instead of the pink/blue system which NOBODY could decipher because the answer always seemed to be a pinkish blue color, it will print the words "pregnant" or "not pregnant." Big deal. We had those back in the day when I was getting pregnant left and right. Instead of the pregnant/not pregnant phrasing, the old ones used to say, "Ya ASSHOLE!" if you were pregnant or "PHEW! Dodged another bullet" if you weren't. Each kit came with a prayer to say while you were waiting for the results.
It went like this (see? I've had to use the test so many times, I can recite the prayer from memory): "Dear Lord, Please do/don't (pick one) let me be pregnant. If I am/am not (pick one) pregnant, I promise I will
**insert type of big sacrifice you're willing to pretend you'll make if the test comes out the way you want it to here**.
And I promise you, Lord, that I won't forget this vow five seconds after I get the results I want. Thank You, Lord."
Ya know they SAY you can't bargain with the Lord, but that's not true. You just have to make sure He's not busy trying to determine the outcome of the Super Bowl or the World Series when you ask Him.

I thought the Runaway Bride was pathetic trying to make money off of her experience--and she is--but now Ashley Smith, the chick who spent all of two hours talking to the Atlanta courthouse shooter is writing HER book. He held her captive in her apartment for two hours then she called 911 when he let her go. Of the book writing experience, she said, "God is calling me to use this opportunity..." Yeah, to scam others out of their hard earned money.
Why does "God's plan" always involve people bettering themselves financially?

Now "let's all go to the lobby and have ourselves a treat!"

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