Wednesday, June 29, 2005

i'm not crazy i'm just a little unwell

Not a whole heck of a lot going on today. I'm cleaning. Whoopee. I have to work on the 4th--of course--so I want my trailer semi-squeaky clean before I go back to work on Friday. Mr. G has three days off in a row, and Female Offspring #1 will be home, too, so God only knows what the place will look like when by Tuesday.

Gawd, I can't WAIT for my chiro appt next week. My right hip is killing me. I can handle a lot of things, but not getting a decent night's sleep because I'm in pain isn't one of them. Maybe the bending and stretching when I clean today will help.

Holly is totally avoiding me this morning--and rightly so. Last night I was laying on the living room floor trying to stretch out my back before I went to bed. At first she wouldn't let me alone, she kept trying to lay on top of me. I finally got her to lay beside me and she was chewing what I THOUGHT was her friggin' bone. I stood up about ten minutes later and the little brat had taken my head band off--I was wearing it when I laid down and it was the ONLY good head band I own--and chewed it all up. She had eaten most of it of the padding and all of the material that covered it. Yesterday afternoon she was chewing and ripping up the linoleum in the laundry room. I can't wait to go back to work, cuz I've just had it with her destructivness!!
(Talk about avoidance issues.) She gets plenty of exercise and I have a HUGE basket full of bones, chew toys, squeeky toys and what have you for her to play with, too. She ignores all that stuff and tears into my stuff.
If I find ONE MORE SHREDDED MAXI PAD...
What really gets me are these trainers who say, "All you have to do is say NO and yank her." Right. I've said NO! to that dog so many times, she probably thinks it's her name. And if I yank her anymore SHE'S going to need a chiropractic adjustment. I thought she was being destructive because she was caged so much so we decided to let her out of the cage at night and upstairs with us. Well that hasn't helped one iota. As a matter of fact, it's worse because I spend more time wondering what havoc she's wreaking when I'm supposed to be sleeping. I can't afford obedience training and I don't know if I'll live to see her "settle down." When everybody tells me Labs are so EASY to train, I'm thinking that maybe she is NOT a full blooded Lab. As a matter of fact, I'm certain I'm right about the half Lab/half woodchuck lineage.
(3:30 p.m.) I am so not getting any cleaning done.
I'm busy watching Prancer. God I heart that movie. When it got to the part where Prancer went into the farmhouse and began destroying everything, I said, "Look, Holly, that's just like you!" But she didn't answer. She's still sulking about the Head Band Incident of '05.

One wife whose blog I read all the time, wrote the do's and don'ts of being a cop for her husband, so I'm going to write the do's and don'ts of being a grocery store assistant manager for my husband. First up, the don'ts:
1. Don't hand my husband your list of lottery numbers as he walks by and ask him to get them for you so you don't have to stand in line.
2. Don't call my husband "hey you!" "boy!" or "sonny!" He has a name, and it's none of those. His name is clearly displayed on the name tag he wears on his chest.
3. Don't keep asking my husband to find items on your grocery list because you're too lazy to look for them yourself.
4. Don't think it's ok to ram my husband from behind with your grocery cart, then walk away without apologizing.
5. Don't expect my husband to know what type of car you drive. When he goes out into the parking lot with your cart full of groceries, he needs a little more of a description of the car other than, 'the blue one' or 'the small one' or (his favorite) 'now you know which car I drive!'
6. Don't wait until the last minute to ask my husband to set aside 95 boxes with lids because you're moving tomorrow.
7. Don't ask my husband to special order something for you if you have no intention of picking it up. If something happens that you can't, have the decency to call and let him know.
8. Don't bitch to him about the high cost of groceries. He's not responsible for setting the prices and surprise, surprise, we have to pay them, too.
9. Don't think my husband has a limitless amount of time to stand around and yak it up. You might be shopping, but he's working.
Tell him about your colon problems some other time.
10.Don't point my husband out to your screaming brats, then tell them that the "bad man will hurt them if they don't behave."

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