Tuesday, June 07, 2005

dont you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me

OH...MY...GAWD. I thought I'd died and gone to Heaven yesterday when I turned on the tv and saw
:
a constantly flowing FOUNTAIN OF CHOCOLATE!!!
It was all I could do not to stick my face against the
screen and slurp. (I tried that once before and
all I got was a tongue full of dust
and threats about "much needed therapy.")

Ya know the best thing about summer? Not having to drive 15 MPH through the school zone. The worst thing? Not having to drive 15 MPH through the school zone cuz the KIDS ARE AT HOME!!!

Some drunk off her ass chick was being arrested on COPS the other day and a neighbor yelled at her while the cops were dealing with her. She scrambled over to the railing and screamed, "Get yourself a fucking camcorder!!" She was great. She was laying out in the hallway of an apartment complex, whining and crying, and throwing her underwear all over the place. Her pants were undone and by the time the cops got her down the stairs, her butt was all butt hanging out. Another favorite ep was on and that featured the guy who belted his wife cuz she "plays bingo too much."

On CNN the other day, the anchor said,"The newest spelling bee champ has returned home." Then he does some blah blah rah rah feel good stuff about how great a speller the kid is, and says the title gives him "bragging rights." Yeah, IF you want to get the crap kicked out of your ass on the playground.

I LOVE this quote by deep, deep thinker, Nia Peeples: "It's hard for anyone to maintain a marriage. It comes down to two people. I honestly believe that." Wrong, Nia. In South's case, it came down to three people.

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